Sunday, March 2, 2008

Bucky Covington..Step Your Game Up!

I forced myself to listen to the country music station on Tuesday and I was equal parts annoyed and comforted. The vocals are still cliche and twangy while the background music is just as predictably the same across the board with slight tempo changes to differentiate songs. What really sets country music apart from other genres is the lyrical content. I'm not going to say that we don't have some simple ass rap or R&B songs or rock for that matter (Nickelback anyone?).

However, 65% of country music goes overboard with life lessons you could find on a crocheted wall hanging for sale in Ingle's Nook. The most recent trend is to urge listeners to live like its their last day and to be thankful for all they have because there are people who have it worse. While, I'm extra annoyed at this segment of country songs, I reluctantly find myself comforted by how easy and attainable Country artists make it sound to live in appreciative, selfless bliss.

About 30% of country songs are about love, of course, and the raciest thing I heard was "I want to show my love for you without making a sound. I think you know what I mean"....Aww isn't that cute?! I feel like I'm chaperoning my little sister's first real date when I'm listening to country. My dad did a stint playing bass in country bars and I'd watch those drunk old people dance around and they were really feeling these love songs...looking longingly into each other's bloodshot eyes and taking turns lipsynching verses to each other. "How could Toby Keith have known exactly what was in our hearts?" they would be thinking the whole time. It makes my icy heart melt a little to be honest.

The last 5% of country songs is totally miscellaneous but currently 3% of these are about bars and drinking (i.e. "I Love This Bar", "It's 5:00 Somewhere").

The other 2% are meant to be extra hilarious and the rednecks I know do get a good laugh. Examples of these would be "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk", "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off" and "Cooler Online" which I have posted below for your immediate enjoyment.

I made my own short Country Music Awards based on the day I listened to Country

Most annoyingly patriotic

Have You Forgotten?
Darryl Worley

-Have you forgotten about 9/11, Bin Laden, blah blah blah...?

Most successful Country Song to Date

Independence Day
Martina McBride

-I heard this song more than any other current song and the shit came out in 1993. Not to mention how much play it gets on July 4th and in Karaoke bars.

Cooler Online
Brad Paisley

-They only give us a 30 minute snippet but when you get a chance, hear the whole thing on CMT because this is so fucking hip!

Least Annoying Current Country Radio Song

Would You Go With Me?
Josh Turner

-only 'cause homeboy has a real deep voice in the beginning it's nice and up beat

Most Cliche Current Country Song but Also Not That Annoying (Except the P-P-P-P-Plower part)

1 comment:

Oriental Spy said...

The last thing I needed tonight was a headache, and this music has done it for me. Thanks alot. Now I'm going to go throw up...Mini Chavez style.