Le Castle Vania is French for The Disco Badass

We're totally not into house music but we are into DJ DJ Dylan and his disco music for the new millenium. You'd probably never guess that he's from Atlanta (our second home) or that he drives a Lamborghini (actually thats probably untrue). What is immediately apparent is that his hair is always flawless and he wears way cuter clothes than us (we're pretty sure he invented the all-over print hoodie). Despite all our envy of his fabulousity, our hearts are beating 120 BPMS for him.

L and F: You're touring all over the place but started out in Atlanta. What cities get down the hardest?

LCV: Well i throw a party once a month in Atlanta called FUCK YESSS which gets really crazy every month and is for sure one of my favorite parties to play. and then of course i love djing in LA because they probably have the biggest electro parties in the US, blow up is a great party in san francisco. out side of the US i love the parties down in tijuana, mexico city, and monterrey the kids down there get super into it! and of course i had an amazing time djing over in the UK last time i was there!

L and F: Do you think remixing Black Eyes for Snowden was your big break?

LCV: well Black Eyes was the first song i ever put out under the name Le Castle Vania so yeah i think of course it was what put me on the map because it was like my first impression to most ppl that have heard my music.

L and F: What's a typical day like on tour?

LCV: well you know it's mostly just me hanging out with super models ballin out of control rolling around in my lamborghini... there's also usually some white tigers around somewhere rolling around in some diamonds or something like that.

L and F: I see some Pumps on your page. Are you a sneakerhead?

LCV: hmm i mean not really... i mean i like good kicks as much as the next guy... but i mean i'm not like one of those fanatic kids that's gotta have the new shit the day it comes out or whatever.

L and F: Do you have a formula for when to play what kind of song or is it a crowd by crowd basis?

LCV: well i mean i definitely have a style and a type of sound that i always try to push but of course i also adjust my sets to work for the crowd i'm playing to... as a dj you have to find a balance between the two side so that you maintain integrity as an artist. any clown can buy serato and go play the latest remixes of some top 40 bull shit and some throw back party jams, mash ups and get ppl to dance... but that doesn't make them a good DJ... i'm way more impressed by DJs that can come through with some hot fresh new shit that ppl have never heard and still keep the dance floor bumpin. to me thats pushing things forward and thats what i try to do when i DJ. aside from that i've also been making a lot of my own exclusive edits and remixes of tunes that can only be heard in my DJ set so when someone comes to see me DJ they are hearing exclusive new music that they only hear in my sets which to me makes it more artistic and intimate rather than just playing the same tunes that anybody else can go download off some blog somewhere you know.

L and F: When you get super big, will you become a media whore, driving around all drunk and showing your privates like some celebrities we know?

LCV: hell yeah i'm selling out hard core! i wont be drinking and driving but i will be swinging my privates in front of cameras every where for sure! nah but for real i plan to always just have a good time and keep it about the art of making music that i enjoy and that i hope other people will enjoy as well. :)

Check out Le Castlevania on Myspace
or on his website
and Lies in Disguise, his project with Blake Miller from Moving Units
and buy a "I Love You But I've Chosen Disco" shirt

Letter To the Female Cock Blocker

Preface: I have officially retired from the game but I know most you still have your game face on and this is a letter to that chick who used to cramp my style back in the day...

Dear Cock Blockette,

Just because I don’t have a cock, doesn’t mean you can block when we go out to the bar/club. If we haven’t seen each other in a year and we’re having girl’s night out, definitely expect over 50% of my attention. But, if we go out all the time (at least twice a month) and see each other regularly during daylight for shopping, watching Lifetime, talking shit about other girls, etc, then “peace, see you later” when we get to the bar. I mean not completely, but I like to mingle and if I’m talking to a dude and laughing and winking, then go powder your nose or something. Just because you don’t have game does not mean I can’t flaunt mine around the bar at my leisure and totally disregard you. Wait, I know that sounds way harsh but I expect you to do the same thing and go for yours. I will see you on the dance floor periodically and you can trust I will call a reliable, upstanding cab company to take your lonely ass home at the end of the night. That’s really what friends are for after all.

Love,

Lady Chavez

Say It With A Card

I thought nothing could say insincere as much as my grandmother stocking up on clearance cards for all generic occasions and busting one out when a birthday or "thank you" was in order, but these guys have done it! Mixedspecies came up with these glorious cards where you can just check the appropriate sentiment. Not only that but they take hilarious, totally irrelevant pictures like the one above to promote their products.


Other Cards We Like:

They also have shirts:

And nice passive-aggressive stickers to give out:

BRITNEY SPEARS: 1981-2008

by Mild Davis

Oh Brit-Brit. It's hard to believe you're gone from our lives and gossip blogs forever. Your life burned fast and bright, much like a 25 cent sparkler from South of the Border. But, before we say our final goodbyes, let's take a look back at your meteoric rise to top and historic plunge into the dumpster.

On a humid night in Kentwood, LA in 1981, Jamie and Lynn Spears got boozed up and soiled the back of a rusted out 1974 conversion van with their stench of their lovemaking. The coital scene smelled of seafood, cheap beer and shattered dreams. If only they had know what that broken condom would unleash on the world. Thanks a lot, hillbillies.




In 1990, despite the will of God himself, she somehow escaped her bayou purgatory and worked her way up the child star ladder from Star Search (which she lost) to the big leagues at the Mickey Mouse Club. At MMC, she shared the stage with fellow future stars Justin Timberlake, Keri Russell, JC Chasez, Ryan Gosling and Christina Aguilera, none of who ended up being total fucktards like Brit. Faster than you can say "you want another helpin' of possum," Britney became mommy and daddy's golden ticket to the Chocolate Factory. The family packed up the trailer and headed to the big city where people use words with more than four letters and somehow brush their teeth every day. The writing was on the wall.




After a few years under the radar, she came back in 1998 with new boobs and an exposed midriff and took over America like a guy named Leroy will take your manhood on your first night in prison. Leaving no cliché sexual fantasy untapped, this virgin ("tha butt don't count, ya'll") was on top of the world. She was also at the top of the "People I Think About When I Work My Gherkin" list for boys between 12 and 15 in 1998 and 1999. She and her high-sangin' beau, Justin Timberlake, were America's blonde blue-eyed sweethearts. But, they weren't doing 'it' so I don't know what he saw in her. What a cock tease.




Following rumors she porked some random dude in 2002, she split with JT in and got down with the freaky deaky hardcore style. And it was about god damn time. This was WAY more like it! It's widely believed that she didn't wear anything but a bra and some boyshorts from November of 2002 to March of 2003. Between sucking face with Madonna, seeing how small of a bra she could cram her cans into and giving me sexy looks all the time, you couldn't get away from Britney in 2002 and 2003. Without the shackles of her former chastity, Brit was free to work more wood than Bob Villa on This Old House. It is estimated that upwards of 4% of the male population in the Los Angeles metro area engaged in some sort of sexual act with her in this 24 month span.




But then it happened. Just like her mama always promised her it would. She met her Prince Charming. He was a backup dancer in a dirty wife beater and smoked Newports. How could a girl not love that in a man? Mr. Kevin J. Federline and Ms. Britney Jean Spears were wed on September 18th 2004 and Satan's unholy prophesy was finally realized. Britney wasted no time in letting her hillbilly instincts take the helm and managed to squeeze out two bundles of sadness and regret in less than three years. The couple was bound to last forever, due to their common interests of unprotected sex, cigarettes and Manwich. They quickly became national royalty, kinda like our generation's JFK and Jackie O. Except, our generation is way more into Red Bull, Halo and lip gloss rather than lame ass crap like civil rights and world peace. Fucking hippies.




But, fate has a funny way of rearing its bald head. The Federline/Spears union crapped out like a wet fart in 2006. Let's just say Britney didn't take it well. Her post K-fed activities included flashing the kitty, pills, shaving things other than her va-jay-jay, pills, attacking paparazzi with blunt objects, pills, comparing thongs with gay black guys, not hanging out with her kids and pills. She attempted a brief comeback in the music world which consisted of a hot pink bra, a fur boa, backup dancers voluntarily ruining their careers and some serious muffin top action. When Us Weekly says you need help, listen the fuck up. They ain't bullshitting. Just because they exploit your life's trials and tribulations for profit, it doesn't mean that they don't care.




Then, like Hiroshima, Britney dropped the crazy bomb. We thought we'd seen it all (well, technically, we did see most of it) but Britney had a few surprises left in her hair extensions. Trick Daddy loves da kids, but that wasn't Brit's bag. So she gave up on the kids, and embraced crazy as her new family. Legal battles, flings with paparazzi, donuts stuck in her esophagus and collecting wigs became her day to day regime. Without any blind hope of making any kind of comeback, Brit was finally allowed to explore the deep end and all it has to offer. She took up new hobbies like riding in ambulances that go "woo woo woo" and getting fat. But, the good times finally caught up with the faded pop princess. Since I haven't heard anything about her in almost a week now, I have no other choice but to assume she's finally kicked the bucket and gone to that giant Starbuck's in Hell.




She brought new meaning to the phrase 'bat shit crazy' and made it look good most of the time. She'll be missed. Hopefully her preggo sister can fill the void left on my celeb gossip blogs. Those Spears' genes run deep, ya'll.






Wait...What? What do you mean she's not dead??? No fucking way! There is no way she's still breathing!! Really?!? You're positive? Double positive? Well, I'll be damned. Oh well, we'll just post it again next week. She's gotta be near the finish line at this point.

Peta and The Cool Kids in Cahoots

Peta2 is on the road with The Cool Kids and spreading the word about animal rights issues to unsuspecting hipster carnivores. Apparently one of the The Cool Kids is vegetarian and the other one is on the fence. So, in my neverending quest to educate you fools on this topic, I am pasting Peta2's tour log sent to me by my boy Caleb, who used to ship my packages when I worked for PETA and now he's all in charge and stuff (totally sleeping his way to the top):

by Cody and Tall John

We're back on the road and with a sweet hip-hop group called The Cool Kids.

On this tour, we're taking the time to tell folks about how un-cool fur is. Seriously, what's cool about no federal laws providing protection for the millions of animals—including chinchillas, foxes, minks, and raccoons—who suffer and die on fur farms? Animals on fur farms are kept in crowded, filthy wire cages, where they often develop neurotic behaviors and become sick or wounded, and fur farmers kill them by breaking their necks while they are sometimes still fully conscious or by using anal or genital electrocution. Horrible, I know.

How about I tell you about the road now? Well, we have a new friend out with us and he goes by Tall John. Say, hi Tall John!

We were just in Tinley Park, IL, for a skate fest and a bunch of kids were asking about our Trollsen Twins campaign, which you should definitely check out if you haven't yet!

Well, that was a novel...Come say hello and stay cool, but warm.

-Cody and Tall John

PS - Have you voted for the Fugliest Fur Hag of 2007 yet?!

Craft of the Week: Lady Chavez's Revamped Vintage Rings

Here's a tutorial on how I make my fabulous and super easy rings made from vintage clip-on earrings. If you're a girl, you'll be the flyest bird anywhere you go and if you're a dude, Valentine's Day is coming up and these rings = guranteed ass.

Oh and I went all artsy with the photos, hope you like (don't pay attention to my ashy hands and my busted fingernail polish-damn now you're going to pay attention)

1) Go thrifting or to yard/estate sales and get some clip-on earrings. You can use any earrings that are hot and retro looking and snip off the "clip-on" part so the back is just flat and nothing is attached.


2) You'll need to purchase some ring bases like the one below. I got mine from Oriental Trading but its better to get them through Etsy. Nothing sexual in the picture below....(Ok...Damn! You guys know me too well!)

3) Glue the earring to the ring with your trusty glue gun (y'all are really diggin' the artsyiness, I can tell)

4) And, Voila! There you have epic trendsetting in 4 easy steps. You're welcome

-LC

Juan Huevos: Butcher by Day...Hot, Shirtless Rapper by Night

You might walk into a Carrboro, NC bar and find yourself buying Juan Huevos a PBR and no homo but because of him, you and your horny friends have walked into a buffet of the hottest hipster chicks in town. Not only that but Juan and Jake Dead (who make up Diamond Studs) are a refreshing break from the regurgitated "I'm so fucking indie" crap you've been force fed lately. Dude has so much going on that I'm gonna let him take it away (3rd person style) with shit you should probably know about him, no promo. We're kinda smitten, real stalk...I mean real talk.

1) Juan Huevos is a member of the elite underground gang known as
b.e.a.r. -----------> with giovanni marks at the helm. they are an
infection that cannot be protected against spreading. Go to
briefcaserockers.com for more info.

2) Juan Huevos eats more peanut butter EVERYDAY than is probably safe
for humans.

3) Dude reads Betty and Veronica comics with a vengeance.

4) If you think it's about you, girl, it probably is. Then again,
think of all the other girls it could be about. see? you never
really know .......

5) if Huevos is at home alone he is either:

a) in the studio
b) exercising
c) getting high in the studio
d) getting high before he exercises

Now, for a Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl first, check out the audio interview with Juan Huevos conducted by producer and newest collaborator for our site, Mild Davis. It's a shitfaced, explosive 4-minutes of hot topics like football and incest, respectively.



update: if the audio interview isn't working right, we're working on it so come back, our bad

or you can download it http://www.mediafire.com/?elmir2lzk4l


And...we asked some really cool and popular people for reactions to Huevos' songs on his Myspace:

Fat Not Flat

"In 2008, theres no shortage of what sweaty men and a 303 sampler can accomplish... every track on Juan Huevos' site has serious potential... the shiner is "Fat not Flat" an ode to manual appreciation of a voluptuous bottom... and I'd have to say that Huevos may shape up to be just that... sonically fat and voluptuous... I suggest you take a handful at your leisure..."

-Charlie Restless from Elm and Oak

Kiss Freestyle

"I just picture this as a dude drunk as hell, coming home from the bars and deciding to drunk dial a girl and this is the conversation he has. Oh and he's got some 80's radio station on blast in the background while doing all this."

-Electric Haze Records

Only Pony Unicorn

"This is music for Nintendo characters to get crunk to"

-Rafi Kam from Internets Celebrities and Ohword.com

"Juan's 'Only Pony Unicorn' sounds like Peaches' kid brother broke into the studio after dark, armed with a six-pack and a record bag of dusty 80s vinyl - this track is a slutty stomper!"

-Fabulous Les

And if you're not already convinced that Juan and his crew are that shit, then here's a Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl download exclusively for our readers. It's called Wedding Toaster, a collabo with Mild Davis, and is basically the coolest thing you ever got for free that no one else has and that you didn't have to get slut-rageous to acquire. Trust.

Also check out some of Juan Huevos' other collaborative efforts:

Pink Motor Monsters
Uno Dose Productions
BFF Crew= Diamond Studs and George Brazil