Sunday, September 9, 2007

Sparrow Love Crew Is Too Fly

We just found out about Sparrow Love Crew and we feel like a big fat void has been filled. The filling is 6 uniquely hot dudes with some serious flow and a crazy loyal West Coast following. Just make sure you bring your A-game to the party and some rubbers.

We interviewed 2 of the group and here's what they had to say:

L and F: Your music makes us want to dance, not in a crazy glow stick way but like we're having a block party and we should be havin' somebody's baby. How would you describe your style and what are your influences?
Kid Wizard: That's a pretty genius way to describe it already...For me its like throwing a crazy block party where people are there to have a good time. For a couple of hours be able to forget about work, the world's troubles, if your steezy or not, and get down. Hip hop, if that's how people classify us, is our way of describing that atmosphere. Bring the kids and the Senior citizens. Influences for me would be- Run Dmc, Souls of Mischief, M.I.A, Buena Vista Social Club, Bettye LaVette, The Knife.
DJ Opi Styles: Our style is all about energy and having a good time. When people come out to our shows, whether they're fans or just there by chance, we want to engage with them and do our best to make sure they have a good time. Our influences range from one end of the spectrum to the other. I'll be rockin Dj Qbert or Dj Shadow one day, Ryan Adams the next, and Michael Jackson the day after. Each MC in our crew has a unique style of rhymes because of our wide variety of influences.

L and F: What is the groupie situation like. Any good stories?
Kid Wizard: Not that I know of. You should ask brixx.
DJ Opi Styles: Not that I know of. You should ask Duke Danger about Fresno.

L and F: What do you think of the state of hip hop today, where the south seems to rule and strip-hoppers and dope boys seem to have the upper hand?
Kid Wizard: I think hip hop is at a state were its open for new artist to break out. I'm not saying it's easy. If you produce good music, that is what will truly speak for itself in the end. The south is on top, and it has been for a while now. Just like any genre or music that's hot at the moment, some of its fresh and some of it is whack. I truly think our style is something new for hip hop. We have driving electronic beats, and four different emcees who spit a unique way. Our dj plays like twenty instruments and builds crazy electronic equipment that he uses on stage.
DJ Opi Styles: I am not a fan of a lot of mainstream hip-hop because, for the most part, crews are just out for cash and fame. Don't get me wrong, I want to get paid too and fame could be fun, but you won't catch me claiming that as my reason for being a part of SLC. I also don't ever plan to get a grill.

L and F: When you're not doing shows and recordin
g, what do you boys do all day?
Kid Wizard: Well we're not making much money so we all have day jobs. Besides that we love to hang with our WestMonster family and BBQ. We also hit some massive party waves at the beach. A lot of our friends are in bands as well, so we go out and check their shows.
Opi Styles: When I'm not rockin with SLC, I'm at school, I'm writing and recording my own music, or I'm just chillin with friends.

L and F: We've never been to a show but the pictures look fun, what could we expect if we saw you live?
Kid Wizard: Your money back. Ha, just joking. Playing live is the best feeling in the world. To express our art is priceless. So we love to get the crowd involved. People usually say they leave our shows sweating and wishing they had more comfortable dancing shoes on. Its a serious party.
Opi Styles: Loud, hyped, energetic hip-hop, a funky bunch of boys on stage, Uma Theremin solos, a moving crowd, and usually by the end of the night, a blown speaker or two.

The question we almost always ask:

L and F: When you guys hit it real big, will you become media whores, driving around drunk and showing your privates like some celebrities we know?
Kid Wizard: Why wait till your big, i do that now. I kidd I kidd. No that's not really our steez. Plus my mom would have a heart attack, and i like the fact that my mom is alive.
Opi Styles No, that's illegal.

L and F: Any shameless plugs (not butt related)?
Kid Wizard: Besides the fact that we have a single dropping in less than a month, I wanna shout out: WESTMONSTER!!!!, our beat man Kid Kooala, and Hole-Mole.
Opi Styles: Ahhh yeah, keep an ear out for Delta Spirit, (their first record should be dropping sometime in October) and check out Meta Clothing at for some fresh threads.

Dear Lady Chavez,

Dear Lady Chavez,
Is it ok to recycle my ex?

One is the loneliest Number

Dear One,

I am glad you brought this up because it is something I have been meaning to tell all of you...Hell to the fuck no! I have been guilty of this all over the place so I am officially certified to tell you this is a bad idea. You will waste months and months of your life that you can NEVER get back. If it didn't work the first time, then let it go, for real. You will just break up again, only
this time you will feel even more stupid and he probably would have gotten a birthday and hanukkah presents out of it. You will probably just be the recipient of one of his newly acquired std's.

Ok, how can I explain this better? Recycling an ex is like drunk-dialing because loneliness is just as intoxicating as a night of $1 jager bombs and an 8 ball. You will metaphorically be doing the walk of shame right back to your apartment where you started but you've lost your dignity and your ass virginity.

Yours Truly,
Lady Chavez

To submit a question to Lady Chavez, please email us at

Trend and Anti-trend of the Week

Trend: DIY Nails

DIY Nails

I’m not a big fan of the fake nails, but if I was going to get some- I’d do it MacGyver style. I decided to try my own version of fake nails, so I took a trip to the CVS down on the corner. Several options awaited me: long, short, sporty square, colored, French mani. Also, had to decide if I wanted to glue the suckers on or use the little sticky tabs. I opted for a square tips pack with glue and sticky tabs. I thought about getting the really long, curly looking ones, but had a flash back of this ghettofab lady that was a receptionist at a salon I had visited. Her nails were so long that she couldn’t hold a pencil or dial the phone. Plus, I like to pick my nose. So, sporty square it was- and then I headed over to the super cheap nail polish section. They always have the best colors. I selected a metallic purple, pale yellow, and red. At home, I used the tabs and pressed the nails on. Instant valley. I slather them in purple paint and edge the tips diagonally in yellow. Red dots on half the nail. And since its like 2am, I decide that I’m going to bed. I wake up and half the nails are wonky….word to the wise: if you intend for these suckers to stay on for any length of time, use the glue. The sticky tabs work as well as they did back in the day with Lee Press-Ons (which means they suck). Anyhow, here are the pics, let me know what ya’ll think.

Anti-Trend: Fake DSL’s
Unless you are born with them (and all the sisters out there know what I’m getting at), those fake, collagen looking swim floaties attached to your face just make you look like you got punched in the face. I mean, why not paint some dark circles around your eyes stick a crack pipe in your mouth? At least people will know why you look so ridiculous.

This is not directed towards anyone with the natural DSL’s. Those send a whole different message.



In Defense of Vegetarianism

Mmmmm, I can still taste those honey and peanut butter sandwiches my mom would make. Inevitably, a drop of golden perfection would depart from the crustless bread onto my hot pink Jams. "What a bitch!" I would say. Well, I came to discover the real bitch is that the honey industry is cruel and heartless and those old dudes with the suits- they're woman haters! They clip off the wings of the queen bee and be-head her suitors ("drones"), then artifically inseminate her ( AKA shove a hooked rod full of bee semen into her royal chocha) after they've knocked her out with carbon dioxide. Look, I hate a bee as much as I hate a 5 o'clock shadow on a tranny but I'm not gonna let sister go out like that. Click here for more info on the honey industry and next time R. Kelly wants to give you some of that Honey Love, tell him you'd prefer the golden shower because honey is degrading to women.

Crafts We Love #5

Miss Wax Jewelry

The whole 80’s craze has taken a hold of the nation…and sometimes I just want to rebel and wear my bell-bottoms. However, this week’s craft makes me want to dig up all my scrunchies and tie my damn t-shirt in a knot (yeah, you know what I’m talking about). Miss Wax’s pieces are reminiscent of a time when it was hot to rock the high top reeboks with tight jeans. Pair any of her items with a hot DIY nail job and you’re ready for the next Slick Rick show.

“Last Night A DJ Shaved My Wife...” by Fabulous Les – DJ/Promoter/Twat

We realised how spoiled we’d been, getting to play festival gigs all summer, only when we were asked to DJ the party to close this year’s Edinburgh Film Festival - an hour into the gig and we started to wonder what was wrong…

The dancefloor was full, the beer was free, the set up in the booth was fantastic… so why did it feel like such hard work?

Short answer: the crowd.

Now I know it’s not cool for a DJ to bitch about the people they’re paid to entertain, and rightly so – playing records is fun and it’s not like you have to get up early and wear a suit to do it – but…

Imagine spending your summer going on road trips around the country with your best friend (who just happens to be your DJ partner), arriving at a muddy festival site where everyone there is there to party – you grab a warm beer and get behind the decks and - bang! – we’re off, everyone in the soggy tent dancing ‘til their legs wobble…

Now imagine you’ve been enjoying these ‘warm and fuzzy’ gig experiences for the last few months and you’re now in a club – a nice club, granted – but you’ve got 250+ punters, with an age range of 20 to 60, who want to let off some steam after weeks of working flat-out to host an event for demanding film and media types from around the globe…

They’re tired after working 16 hour days, and this makes them a little tetchy… it also means it only takes ‘em about two drinks to get pretty wasted!

You’ve got to keep everyone happy, and that means playing at least a handful of tracks that each and every person can dance to.

We did a pretty good job (well, I would say that!) – in 5 short hours (that felt like a lot longer) we journeyed through soul, funk, disco, hip hop, breaks, mash-ups, house and electro, featuring no small number of dancefloor classics and rump-shaking surprises…

We knew this crew would be hard to please – one 50 year old’s Motown delight is another 20 year old’s idea of cheesy wedding-music hell – but some of the requests we received and conversations we had with the more objectionable and intoxicated in attendance still had our jaws dropping.

Can we have more soul? More funk? More electro? More cheese! Less cheese? Banging techno? Some 80s? Something to take me back to my student bed-sit days?? Our heads – my mullet and Semtexgirl’s dreads – were spinning….

One girl told us that she and her friends wanted to have a ‘dance off’ to The Prodigy’s ‘Firestarter’, and then asked if we could play ‘Boogie Nights’ as their warm-up track… When we were clearly in hands-in-the-air house heaven, a bespectacled chap – who was carrying a briefcase(?) – asked for ‘9 to 5’. Another girl, who was clearly young enough to know better, asked if we could play anything by Bryan Adams. Our answer was short, but polite.

Yeah, a DJ is there to fuel the dancefloor... but not to merely bang on the ‘lowest common denominator’ chart tracks in an endless row. A DJ’s job is to try and get everyone involved, which means mixing styles and genres to suit that particular crowd... but if they’re any good, they’ll try and weave tracks together in a logical progression.

Remember this next time you book a DJ or decide to go over and make a request in a club after a few beers/lines/pills - the DJ is not a jukebox and a club night is not your birthday party! If this sounds unreasonable, don’t have a DJ – just plug your iPod into the PA and hit shuffle. (This also works out cheaper.)

Every DJ knows there are ‘good’ gigs (when everyone loves what you’re playing and is happy to find out where you’re taking them next) and ‘not so good’ gigs (where a booze-soaked or coked-up minority decide to tell you that you’d be doing a better job if only you’d play some gabber when the rest of the room is obviously blissed-out at your current BPM rate) – similarly, all of us know the frustration you can feel as a clubber when the DJ just isn’t hitting your (special) spot!

Believe me, DJs WANT to please you – their sole purpose is so that you, the party, can get off in style – but there are ways to coax the girl or boy behind the decks in the direction you want, with only the tiniest application of charm!

Take a second before you head over to the decks and look around the room. Is everyone else enjoying the music? If they are, and you’re about to suggest a radical change of direction, you may meet some resistance from the jock in control. Remember, a DJ is there as a party-starter - yeah, it's your night out, but don’t forget it's everyone else's too!

If you want this person to play a record for you, DO wear a smile, however fake – the DJ is much more likely to spin your tune if you rush up to the decks smiling and say, ‘Hey – great night – I’ve hardly stopped dancing! I’d love it if you could play…’ – conversely, starting your request with ‘This is shit. Can’t you play…’ is likely to be met with less enthusiasm – trust me!

Even if you haven’t been dancing, taking a quick trip to the bathroom to apply fake sweat patches from the cold water tap before going to the DJ booth couldn’t hurt… (Which brings me to another pet peeve for all jocks – if you ask for a track, it’s only polite to dance when it’s played…)

If the party is dying a slow and painful death however, you should definitely reel off some requests to the funeral director at the decks – bear in mind that an empty dancefloor is more excruciating for the DJ than it is for anyone else, however much you might be suffering – the DJ’s probably at a loss as to why things are going badly and should be grateful for your insider knowledge… In this situation, I would list my favourite tracks AND my favourite tipple – hell, if the records you suggest revive the dancefloor, I’d expect to drink on the DJ’s tab all night!

Remember, above all else, we’re all in this together – the DJ, the crowd, the bar staff, the cloakroom attendant (OK, maybe not the bouncers…) – and whatever else happens, don’t let my ranting put you off giving your spinner some feedback the next time you hit a club… after all, if no-one comes to talk to us when we DJ, how are we ever expected to get cute girls’ phone numbers? ;)

Genuine DJ/clubber conversations I’ve enjoyed:

Punter: Can you play Madonna?

DJ: This IS Madonna...

Punter: Yeah, well, not this one.

Punter: Have you got DJ Shadow?

DJ: Er, yeah…

Punter: Can you play 'Organ Donor'?

DJ: Aw, c'mon - look at the dancefloor - it's the last half hour! Sorry, man - I can't bring it down now...

Punter: Puleeeeeease!!

DJ: Tell you what... have you got the album at home?

Punter: Yeah...

DJ: Well, you know in half an hour, when you go home...

Punter: Yeah...

DJ: You could listen to it then.

Punter: You know you were playing soul earlier?

DJ: Yeah?

Punter: Can you play it again?

(from a girl who didn’t dance the first time we played it…)

Punter: Hey...

DJ: Er... hi?

Punter: I've just been watching you...

DJ: ...Uh-huh?

Punter: And I was thinking... what would you play now if you could play anything you liked?

DJ: Er, well I kinda am...

Punter: But what are you really into?

DJ: All kindsa stuff... hip hop, breaks, funk, house, electro, grime, baile funk...

Punter: So what would you play now, if you were playing from the heart?

DJ: Er, are you asking me to play something for you? You know... like a request?

Punter: No, no - I just think you're being a bit generic.

DJ: Huh?

Punter: Well, anyone could play this...

(while playing a still-warm CDR of our re-edit of Deee-Lite’s Good Beat/Good Beat Acapella we'd put together that very afternoon…)

Find Fabulous Les at

and - visit and make friends! – she’s not this grumpy in ‘real life’…

Cover those Corns With Something Custom

This dude will custom design a pair of kicks for you that will be one-of-a-kind and hot to death. He currently has a 6 month wait but it will be worth it when chickenheads are hating on yo' feet. Check out these below and then go here