Friday, April 11, 2008

Even “T-girls” need some bling…

Today's theme seems to be all about addictions - and recently, I've been nurturing my very own guilty pleasure: eBay. I find myself sifting through gads of online auctions, hoping to find cute clothes for even cuter prices. eBay is the treasure chest of the internet – and when I say treasure, keep in mind the old adage, “One man’s junk….” Somehow, that still didn't quite prepare me for this auction.

Crying Game anyone?


My Guiltiest Pleasure SHOWGIRLS. I can't freakin help it. Everytime it comes on, I HAVE to watch. I don't have a choice in the matter. Yes, it's cliche but it's my cliche.

Here are the top ten reasons that I am obsessed with this movie and always have been.

1) My mother forced me to watch this with her when I was 14. Either that's really cool or really weird. I don't know the answer.

2) The fantastic over acting by Elizabeth Berkely. She took the role seriously. Violently serious. From the vomiting, the throwing french fries, the pocket knife and the dancing..oh god, the dancing. Like a spastic stripper having an epileptic seizure. I am sure her dancing has inspired many Vegas showgirls.

3) The lesbian vibe throughout the whole movie. You could cut the sexual tension between Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley like a hot knife through Earth Balance. When they bond over eating doggy chow and stroke hands, I melt.

4) Kyle Mclaughlins hair has a side part. 'nuff said.

5) When Elizabeth Berkley pronounces Versace VERSASE. This actually taught me how to pronounce the gaudy ass designer's clothes. Now only if someone could have taught me how to pronounce Yves Saint Laurent or Hermes, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself when I moved to Philly. It's not like you can buy those clothes where I am from anyways. See, this movie IS educational.

6) When I watch this movie, I always wonder if E.B. thought this would take her career to new heights. This would be her breakthrough role, forever banning Jesse Spano from people's minds. I wonder if she was like "Screw you, Tiffany Amber, I will be the only one to defy the Saved by the Bell curse!"

7) I just happened to catch the movie on TBS (whaaa?) and they use cutting edge Microsoft Paint to draw fake bras and panties on all the naughty bits. Artistic!

8) E.B's amazon ass riding Kyle Mclaughlin in the swimming pool. You know what I am talking about. Where you couldn't tell if she was having an orgasm or dying. I like to think it's a little of both.

9) E.B. dry humping Kyle Mclaughlin (is there a pattern here?) in the strip club while Gina Gershon watches. I had no idea that he came in his pants when I was younger. I didn't understand what happened and my mom wouldn't explain it to me. I thank her for this.
and finally.....

10) Possibly the worst scene in the whole movie. When her and that 'urban' guy are spazzing out (um, I mean, dancing) in his 'loft' and he sticks his hands down her camel toe inducing pants and gets menstrual blood on his fingers. I mean, was that necessary?It's like a train wreck, I am fascinated by this scene and am always disappointed when it's cut out of the cable version. Especially when he tells her that they can still hump because he 'has lots of towels'.

Please feel free to add to the list. When I come visit L.C. we are totally gonna have a Showgirls party....

by Hillbilly Harlot

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Chris McCandless...Can You Handle This?

Surprise! I have a new obsession! I can just hear all the gasps at how shocking this is considering I have the attention span of a gnat but really seem to make a scene out of all my fleeting interests. Christopher "Alexander Supertramp" McCandless is no different folks.

I watched "Into the Wild", became obsessed so now I'm reading the book. I addition, I peruse every blog and news article about him when I'm on hold at work (which is about 6 hours). I was 12 when he died. He said "fuck it", burned his money and took off for Alaska. Maybe he wasn't prepared enough and maybe he did have a little, "My daddy didn't tuck me in" attitude but I can't get enough of his story and how controversial this thing is. People are either totally moved and admire him or they think he's a piece of shit crybaby who had schizophrenia.

I think you can guess where I stand. He was hot and stinky apparently and at the end had a nice, full-grown beard. Is it weird to be in love with a dead guy? I would frolic through fields of buffalo with him to the ends of the earth. I have to get over this. Now I'm looking up more guys that died in the wilderness like Carl McCunn.

Feel free to comment if you've seen "Into the Wild" or read the book. If you're going to be all sorts of negative, go ahead but my love will never die...until next week when I move onto something else.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Crafts We Love

Dinos in Our Living Rooms

Check out these homemade terrariums , replete with tiny tyrannosauruses, stegosauruses, and real plants….the dinos aren’t real, but hopefully you knew that. Which is great b/c you won’t need to clean up any dino poop.

8 Poison Darts – Kung Fu Movie Review by SNED YA BETTA OFF DEAD

Kung Fu Rating Scale:
1 poison dart: More practice!
8 poison darts: Thank you, Master!



This movie made its American debut on the USA cable network in '88. I watched the original uncut version, so it was pretty raw and badly dubbed. I happen to love that in these films. The characters got some dope ass names like Invisible Thief, Devil Man, Killer Fan, Dynamite Man, and of course Super Guy, of Low Hand Security. Sick Weapons! The classic bladed fan, supa-sized spiked brass knuckles, and home boy Super Guy beats suckas down with his Giant Bowl! You know Super Guy be puffin' on the Low Hand Tip....ANYWAYS.An Asian prince finds himself in danger at the hands of gold thieves. Lots of ninja type magic and great fight scenes make up for the crazy plot twists and weird Chinese drama. In one scene Invisible Thief kicks back and eats a fresh roasted chicken he stole from a girl. WAIT.... While his brother sexually assaults the poor helpless maiden. SNED YA BETTA OFF DEAD don' t like seein' the ladies disrespected. Especially in the first 2 min of the flick. No worries, Super Guy beats everybody ass with that Super pipe o' his. Nuff' Said Ya'll

My rating: 5 *poison darts*

Where can i cop it? eBay , 99cents and up, Canal St. in NYC

Check our friend SNED YA BETTA OFF DEAD on myspace and peep his music page here - Jade Badger…while you’re there, check out his funky, kung-fu soul melodies.

Lady and Fluff

Shit We Like – Warm Weather

The weather is slowly inching towards warmer territory and Lady and Fluff couldn’t be happier. What does warm weather mean to us?

•Fresh air, punctuated by the occasional stale cigarette (clove for Fluff)
•Those ridiculous genie pants that are so pase, but too damn comfortable to send to the DAV

•All day weekend, shop-a-thons at the Salvation Army, Thrift Store City, and Family Thrift

•Empty Carlo Rossi jugs

•Dance offs in the living room with music so loud, it could wake the dead (that's one of our neighbors gettin down)

•Acapella, rap-song harmonizing – Snoop Dogg’s Ladi Dadi being our fave

•Wasted discussions with the neighbors about which local redneck drives down the street fastest

•Yelling at the local redneck who drives down the street too fast (remind you of anyone LC?)

•Porch gatherings that result in a permanent collection of beer cans and empty wine glasses on the front steps

•Broken glass everywhere!

•Heart to heart Lady and Fluff moments

•Yard sales in sweltering heat
•Block parties!! Speaking of, we’ll be hosting another one this year, so stay tuned…

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Biggest Boss That We've Seen Thus Far?

What is it about fat rappers that makes us swoon? Even the most thuggish ruggish dude falls for the obese lyricist. I can't think of one fat rapper that hasn't made bank straight out the gate. We've got Biggie Smalls, Fat Joe, Bubba Sparks, Big Pun and the list goes on on and on and now Rick Ross. I fucking love this guy and not because his songs are great but he's cute as shit! He breathes heavy and he looks like he could cuddle all night long (with a few snicky snack breaks). This is the appeal for women but for men I think fat dudes are just non-threatening, to the ego anyway. Plus, I think we've all been looking for the next Notorious B.I.G., someone to replicate what he had and was cut short. Why do you think Biggie is still putting out CD's? We just can't get enough but I think Ricky Ross can do it. I believe in him and if he keeps it street and deep fried, he may just be our next fat hero. I'll take a Big Boss helping, hold the T-Pain PLEASE!

The White Rick Ross