Saturday, November 10, 2007

Lady and Fluff Like It Raw – A Tribute to Ol’ Dirty Bastard on the Anniversary of His Death

November 13th will be the anniversary of ODB's death. Now, just to let ya'll know- befo’ there was skeet skeetin’ (yes, we are white girls and we know what that means, but just don't say it to or on our faces), there was the lyrical genius of Russell Tyrone Jones, aka Ol’ Dirty Bastard…........okay, maybe GENIUS is not word we would use when it comes to his lyrics (read: “Let me continue, verse number two, Style is wild, Dirty stinkin' like doo-doo”). But what he lacked in poignancy, he certainly made up for with his compelling personality and innovative lyrical presentation. His name says it all – and was meant to convey the fact that his “style” (as in kung-fu style on the mic) had no “Master.”

Look, we think its great that Tupac and Biggie get mad play when the anniversary of their deaths roll around (even though we know they’re runnin in Venezuela). But what about the man considered a founding father of Wu-Tang, one of the greatest and most influential rap groups of our time? The man who made us call him Baby Jesus? The guy who made it cool to have a “grill” long before Paul Wall was a nut stain in mama’s panties? Lady and Fluff are all about giving respect where respect is due and think it's high time the industry steps up on this one. If we can’t get a national holiday out of this, naw mean, the least people could do is get a bumper sticker or something. In the least.

And if you’re real motivated call your local radio station and request the HELL out of Dirt McGirt. And always remember: Big Baby Jesus is watching you.

Lady and Fluff

PS...Our boy Tricknology found these rap snacks in Philly (of course) with ODB on them. It doesn't make sense that someone would really manufacture these, but we'll take them!

Barbie Gets PC and Then We Ruin It

So, Mini Chavez and I are in the holiday spirit because Corporate America and Mema are already shoving it down our throats. Consequently, we were checking out the Barbie Collection online this morning and these are the ridiculous ones we found:

1) Barbie Collector Tooth Fairy - Caucasian

-Apparently, Barbie is now specified as Caucasian or African American (we didn't see any Pacific Islander). I thought the blonde hair and blue eyes would have set it off but whateva.

2) Barbie My Scene My Bling Bling Styling Head Madison Doll -That name is silly and out of date with all the "blings". They should just called it "Lil Kim in her Prime"

3. Teresa® Doll and Mika™ Cat

This Barbie actually scoops up imaginary shit and piss after her sorry ass cat has hooked up the "litter box". Who the hell wants their Barbie to do laborious things involving fecal matter? Does this Barbie also come with a brillo pad to scrub out Ken's skidmarks from his fleshy tighties?!

4) Barbie 80's Cher Bob Mackie Doll
-This Cher doll was on the 2nd page of the Barbie this is on any kid's wish list. I told Mini Chavez that I really liked this one and she was like, "Mom, Halloween is over"...Ouch! and she's only 3. She also said "If I could turn back time, I'd throw some Jordache's on her no-ass havin' self!"...ok, that one is not true..

Finally, these weren't really on the Barbie site but they are still on our list for Santa...

Lady Chavez

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Bring over some of your old Motown records...

Where did all the Motown go?

OK, so I was reading Hillbilly Harlot’s blog about reminiscing on the 90’s and it got me thinking: in my lifetime, I have relived many decades through music. When I was 15, it was Beatles and Jimi Hendrix and I was all like, “Check out my bell bottoms and hash pipe.” Then, I was 17 and all about Led Zepplin. I was rocking the “Stairway to Heaven,” at the high school dance and checking out the laser lights shows at the museum in town….next, I’m kickin it to some Cure and Duran Duran long after they were hip, and suddenly, the 80’s were all over suburbia. And now, here we are, ready to relive the 90’s, and it was only a decade ago…?? All I’m saying is, during all that, I don't feel like I discovered and appreciated some of my favorite music until now. And now for the big question: how come Motown isn’t bigger than it really is? I mean, maybe I’m jumpin with the wrong crowds, but I don’t know why more of my friends don’t rock out with me to Gladys Knight and the Pips. What about Al Green and Marvin Gaye? Diana Ross and Aretha Franklin and me are LIKE THIS. I mean, what’s up? Motown was such a great genre – I even have a whole iPod playlist dedicated to it. Smoky Robinson was referred to as “America’s greatest poet,” by Bob Dylan. I second that emotion. Lionel was smoking long before he was spawning celebutards like Nicole. I’d take some Temptations over Lil John any day…

"Bring over some of your old Motown records, We'll put the speakers in the window and we'll go, On the roof and listen to the Miracles, Echo through the alley down below, oh yeah...."

Just a thought,


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Oprah, Get Jealous!

Awwwww shit. You know how Oprah has her little book club and they think they're so smart and insightful? Well, not to be outdone, LC and F have decided to have an Album Club and we're kickin' it off with our main man Saul Williams. He came out with The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of NiggyTardust on November 1. It's a collabo with Trent Reznor of all people and we hear it is pretty bitchin' (trying to bring that word back).

Now, it's the same deal as Radiohead's new joint and you can pay what you want. I know our conscious readers will pay at least the $5 they request to support the artists. So, go ahead and download here and we will reconvene in about 2 weeks. We will post our thoughts and the comment section will be like an open forum. And Oprah, you cannot join, sorry.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Dear Lady Chavez

Dear LC,
So I have been seeing this girl for about 4 or 5 weeks now and there is this strange thing going on between us, I'm not sure how to handle it. About two weeks ago it was raining out and she was on her wayover and I was looking for something for the two of us to do. I always try to be original with my ideas and try stuff out that neither of us have ever done before. I know this is weird, but I had been storing a bunch of my brother's stuff at my place and I saw his old
Dungeons and Dragons shit sitting in some crates. I had never played D&D before because I was the youngest in my family, so it was something my brother and cousin did, but I was never invited. Truth be told, I spent most of my time as a younger kid erect. I had a serious problem of getting excited or aroused easily and therefore I walked around with a boner from about the ages of 12 to 15, when I finally gained some self control. I mean I'd work it out and everything, but then it would be back again in like 3 minutes. Geez, I musta masturbated about 75 times a day back then. So anyhow this made me terribly awkward to hang out with, so I wasn't invited to do much with the other kids. But I digress... so I never got to play D&D, right. So she came over and agreed it would be fun and weird to play D&D. We started playing and I have to admit, the game was fucking lame. But my girl was getting horny as hell, so I kept on. Before I know it we're going at it right on the table on top of the game and she's talking all freaky, which she had never really done before. She's screaming about riding my dragon, and venturing into her dungeon, and something about her being the baddest elf princess bitch in all the land. I mean I have to admit, it was hot and kinky and I was having a good time. But she hasn't stopped with the whole act yet and everytime we have sex now we have to do this weird role playing. She makes me wave around this staff she bought on e-bay and cast spells and wear this wizards hat. I can't really do this whole routine without laughing and that's when she gets really mad and says she is a rabid goblin and starts biting me. I don't mean like nibbling or anything remotely sexy, I mean she tears bloody chunks of flesh off my body. Anyway, I'm pretty worried, what should I do?

Have you ever heard of this before?

Geekier than ever,
Third Level Dungeon Master

Dear Dungeon Master,
Well, first of all I know it is normal for young boys to maturbate 75 times a day because my bro and I had a heart to heart in a hotel room on vacay one time and he said he just couldn't stop and I was really grossed out. I mean, he wasn't doing it right then, oh nevermind! Anyway, all I know about D & D is that it is like you said, super lame and the nerdiest shit you can do. So, when someone does something nerdy or is wearing anything mythical-like, I'm like, "Oh what are you into D & D too?". And they're like, "Shut the f*ck up LC!". It is apparently also shameful for all those involved. Now, role-playing D & D for sex is not so lame unless 1) you want to do it ALL the time and 2) you inflict wounds beyond the 1st layer of skin. Now trust, I am a big proponent for role-playing which is why you will see me scouring the after halloween sales for some get-ups the whole month of November.... but you've got to know your role and change your role. Nawmean? Ain't no dungeon dark and wet enough for you to be sticking your staff into some crazy bitch.

Yours Truly,

Lady Chavez

Monday, November 5, 2007

Craft of the Week: Stencil Me In

Why haven't we thought of this?! Ok, you take some hot vintage garment and stencil your fav gangster rapper on the front....or back. It doesn't matter because you're the designer. We like this Tupac stencil that lisaspaperdoll did. Though this is dope, try and make your own damn stencils with EPMD, Biggie, NWA, etc. Also, feel free to stencil your local Starbuck's bathroom and fur store with some hot pink militant cabezas while you're at it. We heart economic sabotage!