Saturday, August 18, 2007

Crafts We LOVE

Remember those weird oil-on-black velvet paintings from Tijuana that your gramma used to have in her living room? And they would have like, unicorns or clowns or like, bullfighters in them……

Well, this week’s “Crafts We LOVE” feature kind of reminds me of those- only they’re way cooler and won’t make your friends think you’re secretly dating a Mexican hooker.

AND they’re made with bleach….we also love caustic agents.

Moth to Flame Studios



Trend and Anti-trend of the Week

Trend: Dip Low Vintage Shades

We know we're all wearing huge 70's glasses these days (well 80's too) but if your stunna' arms don't dip down low and look like you're auditioning for Tootsie, what is the point? You need to get some immediately. I have seen a couple folks rockin' these in the media but it has not caught on like it should.
Mini Chavez Works It

P.S. They need to be vintage so go ahead and start sweatin' through the thrift stores and put some labor into it. It will be worth it.

Anti-trend: Crocs

This section requires immediate action! Please discontinue wearing anything rubber and boat-like with holes in them on your feet. They will start sinking you into uncharted fashion no-no zones. Its like the Bermuda Triangle and no one is actually seen again. Well, they are but people don't realize it because their faces are always behind a Lands End catalog and their 1997 Plymouth Voyagers have tinted Windows.

Unless you are cleaning people's teeth or have lost your will to live a fashionable existence, there should not be a pair of these hideous monstrosities in your collection.

Don't let this happen to you or your loved ones

Ghost Ridin' the Whip


Ok, so we know we may be a little late with this development in hip-hop, however we do not have TV and did not know this even existed. Yes, we do have You Tube but we only watch "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday, ok? Now, WTF is "Ghost-riding" and why is it so ridiculous and awesome at
the same time (notice I did not say ridiculously awesome)? We have learned that Mistah F.A.B. is the genius responsible for this wild and theatrical behavior taking hold of our urban community as of late. For our fellow late bloomers, this is how Wikipedia describes "Ghost Riding":

To ghost ride, frequently used in the context of "ghost riding the whip" (a "whip" being a vehicle) or simply ghostin', is when a person puts the car in neutral or allows it to idle and then the driver (and passengers) of a vehicle exit while it is still rolling and dance beside it or on the
hood or roof.[1]

The hip-hop subculture "hyphy" has this technique on lock and we wish it had stayed in the Bay area where we could just laugh from afar. THE best part of this is that it is also called "going Swayze" (a reference to Patrick Swayze in the movie, "Ghost").

***Kids, DO NOT try this at home. It is very dangerous for this reason

If ANYONE puts their kicks on the hood or roof of the Jetta I will "go Swayze" on them...and I'm talkin' "Roadhouse" Swayze and not the scene where he's pummeling the girl from behind in the bathroom but the one where's kicking major ass. Got it?***


Lady Chavez

Financial Art

This week, we asked Ardamus to submit to our blog. His expertise is hip hop and this is what was on his mind:

Financial Art
It was kind of hard for a minute to decide what to write about this past week. I almost wrote of those blogs about people saying hip hop is dead but that’s so trendy now that I might as well wear a hoodie in the summer and skateboard. Or I could’ve wrote about how broke I am and all this bullshit about the economy and etc. But then I thought about it: two things in my life that are screwing me right now and give the most stress happen to be my money and my art. My money in terms of realizing that I may need to just get a second job to even put groceries in my house while my main job only can cover my mortgage, my debts that I owe, and other things in between. My art in terms of the fact that I’ve worked hard on it but yet to have that success like others I know.

It puzzled me a minute on how to do a balance of the two. The thing is I kept repeating to myself those two words: finances and art in my head. Then I was like financial art. That’s it? What is it? The art of managing your finances? Or the management of the finances for the artist? Not sure. The more I hear about the music business declining in sales with physical CDs with the increase of downloading and live show attendance (depending on the genre), the more I wonder if artists are thinking like a very successful businessmen with their money. You always hear the stories about the really rich and famous who once dominated with their money…..just letting it flow too loosely. Then all of a sudden, they’re homeless trying to chew on half-eaten garbage they found in the trash. But then, you hear about those who venture in other businesses to stay afloat; knowing that they need to diversify their funds in other areas. So, for the artists out there, do you ever stop and turn of the music and pick up a book that relates to how to handle your money right?

I’ve already so, I’ll make this short and end this. I remember a while ago watching on MTV how much A Tribe Called Quest made off of their classic hip hop “The Low End Theory”. From what I can recall (and correct if I’m wrong) they sold platinum status. By the time it was said and done with expenses subtracted from various places, they each only made somewhere around $30,000 a piece compared to the millions generated. Good thing they ventured into other things (example: Phife from what I heard deals with sports) and performed tremendously at various shows. And this isn’t just for someone on a major label (they were signed to Jive from what I remember). This is for those who do the independent hustle as well to think about it; and it doesn’t have to stop with music either….ALL ARTISTS CAN RELATE TO THIS. Its not to say do it for the money. You should always do what you like; just make sure you like the way you’re doing it and it supports you if you’re in a good position to do it. The art is good but knowing how your money flows is very important as well if you’re not careful.


In Defense of Vegetarianism #3

This week I decided I needed to give props to Burger King. Yes I said it, and you are confused because most of you don't even know that they serve a veggie burger (and its really good). We thought they wouldn't sell and BK would drop them but they haven't and we think this is huge. The bun is not technically vegan but who cares? It's a fast food burger joint selling veggie, so quit your bitchin' and buy one.

And, lets all extend a huge thank you to the large, plastic molester looking guy for keeping the cruelty free dream alive! Please take a bow so we can see your white tighted ass in full view. Is the dilsnick plastic too? We need to know...

Lady Chavez

Second Life

Yeah, I worked at a Go Go Bar too.. on the internets.

Alright, I am just gonna come out and say it. Yes, I am a resident of Second Life. The online community that allows millions of people to connect through the machine that is cyberspace. But.. it's about sex, mostly. I'm not going to drag you through the journey that is how I found out about it and why I joined. I just did, okay?

I have an avatar named DitaVon Villota..yes, an homage to the fierce Dita Von Teese and I will admit, I coulda been more original. Whatever. So I quickly find out how fun it is to shop in SL. Anything you ever wanted could be found in SL. Satin leopard pedal pushers with red stilletoes..check. I have a seamed stocking collection that would make Mae West jealous. Cat eye glasses, corsets, fishnets, pencil skirts, peep toe pumps. Finally, I was the rockabilly chick I always wanted to be, complete with flaming red hair. How was I to pay for all of the clothes? I needed a job in SL. I am a tard and have no skills to speak of. What do virtual girls do when they have no skills? They strip. (just a generalization, I am sure all virtual strippers are working their way through virtual school)

Dita started working at a virtual burlesque club called Eden Revue. Mostly Dita would chat with people and say stupid flirty things and they tip her money. Dita swings around on a pole, takes her top off and the money flies in. Well, not really. SL has it's own currency, so $2000 is $10 in real life. I quickly learned that people are sick fucks. About 40% of people who have female avatars are men, including the escorts and strippers. Just imagine this guy jerkin it to a pixelated penis and vag while this hot 'girl' is talking dirty him. That hot girl is a 400 lb man who lives in his mothers basement. I won’t even mention the Tawny Kittean posters on his walls.

Believe it or not, Second Life is not just sex. I have made some good friends, Francophiles, to be exact. I had to explain to one that no, we Americans are not all the same just like all French are not the same. Americas reputation abroad is as tainted as ever, but that’s another blog for another time.

Stayed tuned for a more in depth look at my Second Life including sex, drugs, BDSM, skydiving and one scary ass amusement park.

-once a carnie, always a carnie

Hillbilly Harlot
You can get your own surreal life minus loser celebrities at