Friday, April 11, 2008

My Guiltiest Pleasure

.....is SHOWGIRLS. I can't freakin help it. Everytime it comes on, I HAVE to watch. I don't have a choice in the matter. Yes, it's cliche but it's my cliche.

Here are the top ten reasons that I am obsessed with this movie and always have been.

1) My mother forced me to watch this with her when I was 14. Either that's really cool or really weird. I don't know the answer.

2) The fantastic over acting by Elizabeth Berkely. She took the role seriously. Violently serious. From the vomiting, the throwing french fries, the pocket knife and the dancing..oh god, the dancing. Like a spastic stripper having an epileptic seizure. I am sure her dancing has inspired many Vegas showgirls.

3) The lesbian vibe throughout the whole movie. You could cut the sexual tension between Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley like a hot knife through Earth Balance. When they bond over eating doggy chow and stroke hands, I melt.

4) Kyle Mclaughlins hair has a side part. 'nuff said.

5) When Elizabeth Berkley pronounces Versace VERSASE. This actually taught me how to pronounce the gaudy ass designer's clothes. Now only if someone could have taught me how to pronounce Yves Saint Laurent or Hermes, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself when I moved to Philly. It's not like you can buy those clothes where I am from anyways. See, this movie IS educational.

6) When I watch this movie, I always wonder if E.B. thought this would take her career to new heights. This would be her breakthrough role, forever banning Jesse Spano from people's minds. I wonder if she was like "Screw you, Tiffany Amber, I will be the only one to defy the Saved by the Bell curse!"

7) I just happened to catch the movie on TBS (whaaa?) and they use cutting edge Microsoft Paint to draw fake bras and panties on all the naughty bits. Artistic!

8) E.B's amazon ass riding Kyle Mclaughlin in the swimming pool. You know what I am talking about. Where you couldn't tell if she was having an orgasm or dying. I like to think it's a little of both.

9) E.B. dry humping Kyle Mclaughlin (is there a pattern here?) in the strip club while Gina Gershon watches. I had no idea that he came in his pants when I was younger. I didn't understand what happened and my mom wouldn't explain it to me. I thank her for this.
and finally.....

10) Possibly the worst scene in the whole movie. When her and that 'urban' guy are spazzing out (um, I mean, dancing) in his 'loft' and he sticks his hands down her camel toe inducing pants and gets menstrual blood on his fingers. I mean, was that necessary?It's like a train wreck, I am fascinated by this scene and am always disappointed when it's cut out of the cable version. Especially when he tells her that they can still hump because he 'has lots of towels'.

Please feel free to add to the list. When I come visit L.C. we are totally gonna have a Showgirls party....


by Hillbilly Harlot

9 comments:

Hank said...

ok, i have to admit that i've never seen the real version of this movie. just the TBS version with the amazing digital bras. seems like i've missed something in translation. so, i guess i'll look like a total perv and go rent it this afternoon. thanks, HH!

Hillbilly Harlot said...

You're quite welcome. My old man didn't see it until we got together. We actually bought it for $5.00. I tried to act out a scene but I almost broke my collarbone. Too much jerkin.
She's such a talented gal!

fluff said...

man - i really feel like i'm missing out here. i haven't seen it! TBS or VHS....I wonder if my old man would be down for renting it.....hmmm..

Hillbilly Harlot said...

Some advice

1) Don't attempt to eat while watching this movie.

2) You might possibly get motion sickness from all the thrusting, lashing, blood..etc. Keep some dramamine near by

3) If anyone gets a boner while watching this movie then you are sick. Actually, I totally got chick chub while watching this. Makes me tingly in my danger zone.

ENJOY!

Hank said...

ok, rented this and watched it on saturday with the lights off and the shades drawn. let's just say i'll never see Saved by the Bell the same way ever again. I mean, jeezus. It's like she majored in slut at college. Any time there was danger of chub, i just had to look at kyle. that dude freaks me out in a bad way. so, thanks for unearthing a smarmy little piece of film history. i still feel kinda dirty. like i wanna buy a stripper lunch or something.

LC said...

haha, that is sooo funny you rented it, she hadn't been that dynamic since the "Put your mind it it, go for it, get down and break a sweat" video shoot on the trampolines on SBTB...you know the episode where Jesse gets hopped up on speed for her final...

Hillbilly Harlot said...

oh my god. were you embarassed to rent it? Isn't Kyle Mclaughlin's hair hot?? I haven't seen a side part like that since the awesome movie "Airborne". He got that Jonathan Brandis look on lock. ooo, did you know he dead?? sad.

Tricknology said...

good call on the video shoot lc. i am in love with their neon leotard-thongs.

Ardamus said...

Elizabeth Berkley was hot. And the TBS version always sucked.