Lights Out

I am so ghettofab that my power got cut off last week. Yeah, I made it through just fine, paid The Man the next day and got it cut back on. But now I'm broke FOR REAL and for like another month. So, I have compiled a list of things I've done so far or will be doing over the course of the next month in response to the fact that I'm fucking broke.

Lady Chavez's Guide to Scrapin' By

1) Eat ketchup sandwiches

2) Play chess (but cut the heads off your old barbies and attach to the playing pieces...oh, and make the token black barbie queen for a day)

3) Go diving at a dumpster near you

4) Dress your cat up like Al Pacino in Carlito's Way and film him gesturing, "You think you like me? You not like me..you a punk!"

5) Listen to your old mix tapes your ex made you or ones you made for him but you broke up before you gave it to him (you know the clear one with the yellow label)

6) Take some speed and renact the scene from Saved by the Bell when Jesse takes all those uppers and sings, "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm soooooo scaaaaaaared" (sob)

7) Play Girl Talk if you still have all the pimple stickers

8) Send an evitation to your friends for "Party at My Place. BYOB and some for me!"

9) Spread glue on your hand and peel it off over and over
10) Put on Barry Manilow and make out with someone named Mandy