Monday, October 22, 2007


Here in the city, a common phenomenon is to allow patrons to bring their own supply of alcohol to dinner. A strange concept for me, coming from VA where the beer flows freely and the tobacco fields can be viewed from one’s backyard (oh, and you can’t smoke indoors at a restaurant either). I wonder how wise this is on behalf of the establishment. I mean, I’m sure there is some legality in all of this- but since I am not a lawyer and have no desire to look this shit up on the internet, I can only comment on the retail aspect of it. In my opinion, every well-versed restaurateur knows that alcohol creates a certain air of “magic.” Atmosphere and location are certainly key, but give your patrons alcohol and even these things take a back seat to beer goggles and late night munchie attacks (which are the only things you remember the next day no matter how much you drank last night). Hot people and good food are more important than fake waterfalls and smoke machines. Alcohol impairs everyone’s judgment, making hot people and good food the saviors to a potentially bad night. Just think: alcohol is almost always the basis for any stories that are worth retelling. Remember that time Suzie drank the fifth of tequila and decided she could deep throat a beer bottle while dancing topless on the bar to Paula Abdul in an effort to impress that weird Bret Michaels guy with the eyeliner and prosthetic leg? She was so happy b/c she ended up going home with him…although we never did hear from her again. Or what about the time Bobby convinced those two heifers to mud wrestle in their underwears and then join him back at his mom’s trailer for a night of South Park and strip poker? Ok, maybe that stuff only happens in VA. But alcohol seems to be the reason many people make the worst mistakes of their lives…..but isn’t that also why everyone drinks it?

Anyhoo, I digress. If I owned a restaurant I would sell a ton of booze and make it B.Y.O.P – bring your own porno. Now THAT’s an interesting concept.

Just a thought,


1 comment:

whocares said...

wtf? you told me you've never seen a porno?!?