FUCK DOOK.

by Mild Davis

35 hours…16 minutes…37 seconds until the Tar Heels take the court at the Dean E. Smith Center for the first meeting with Dook for the 2007-2008 season. In case you are wondering (or if you’re not) this is one of the most important days of the year for any UNC basketball fan. It’s so exciting for us that it’s like Christmas morning mixed with the day you lost your virginity. Lots of butterflies and the nagging feeling that it might not be as good as you’d hoped. Plus, I hate Dook as much as I can possibly hate anything in the world. Even more than Reggaeton, relish and Jeff Foxworthy put together don’t come close.

For those that don’t live in NC, and aren’t subject to the hysteria, the UNC/Dook basketball rivalry is the biggest thing in sports…EVER. Fuck the Yankees vs. Red Socks bullshit. Not even close. This is two towns, Durham and Chapel Hill, less than ten miles apart, that want nothing more to watch the other’s team suffer humiliating defeats, career ending injuries and as much bad shit as karma can throw at them. During a UNC/Dook game a few years back this douche-nugget showed up to our bar in Chapel Hill wearing a Dook jersey and cheering for those pillow biters. Let’s just say he spent the second half locked in the girl’s bathroom. Yes, it’s like that.

I understand that most of the country couldn’t care less about tomorrow’s game. But, please understand there are no neutral parties in the UNC/Dook debate. You’re either with us or against us. So, if you’re forced to choose, don’t be a fucktard and pull for Dook. Believe me when I tell you that they are the biggest collection of short, white, three-pointer shooting, never-gonna-go-to-the-NBA, anal fisting aficionados that you will ever see play the game. They will spend 40 minutes whining about calls and patting each other on the ass. Be a real G, and back them Tar Heels. It’s like supporting America and everything that’s good about it. Like PBR, boobs and Slayer. And, you don’t want to be a terrorist do you, Dookie? That’s what I thought.

Fuck Dook! Go Heels!