Monday, February 4, 2008

Dear Lady Chavez: Get Your Mind Right

Dear Lady Chavez,

What is up with all the celebrities skipping rehab and going straight to the psych ward?

Eat in Chicken

Dear EIC,

First of all, you know I don't get down with talking about celebs because the shit is played out daily. However, it is correct that the psych ward is the new rehab and bitches are taking it to a whole new level. I'm not sure you guys are aware of this, but I happen to be the epitome of mental health and well-being. I might talk a lot of shit but that is only because I am more stable in the cranium than my peers and somebody's gotta suck teeth at the chemical imbalance all around. Since I love my readers, I will let you in on how to stay sane and not end up in a straight jacket (shit ain't cute)...

Lady Chavez' Guide to Mental Stability

1) Smoke grass (I mean I don't, I'm just sayin')

2) Stop thinking about yourself all the damn time. There have been tons of studies on how people who think the least about themselves are the happiest (I'm gonna go ahead and say this especially applies to the dude who is a chronic a soup kitchen or sumthin' you sick fuck!)

3) Do some meditation, just like 10 minutes a day. Your morning dump would be a good start.

4) Listen to more Reggae

5) Be artsy...creating stuff makes people happy even if your self-portrait ends up looking like Quasimoto, put that shit on the fridge

6) Don't do drugs!!!!!!!!! Damn, its mad lame. Have you listened to N.E.R.D's new jam? If you're passing up going home with Pharrell to snort lines, then you ain't gonna be happy in the morning. Trust!

7) Act looptid/dupid. Nobody thinks you're cool if you're all serious plus you're not going to be happy if you're moping around trying to look emotionally tortured. Get over yo'self and do something funny.

8) Nothing in excess. This might be the most important thing. Don't do anything to the extreme because you'll end up coming down hard or getting addicted to shit.

9) Lose the baggage. This is referring to that friend or relative who hates on everything and is dramaful. I don't care if its your quadraplegic grandmother, if she has a stank attitude, cut the cord (unless she's got some inheritance in the works)

10) Don't have sex til the 3rd date and girls, don't make out in the bar with your friend unless you are truly lezzie! That's real talk.




Mild Davis said...

please do not discourage girls from making out with each other...ever. i don't care if they're card carrying lezzies or not. it's always good. unless they're ugly. but, then, at least they're getting to make out with someone. amen.

fluff said...

ill check a fake lezzie bitch QUICK SON!!!

LC said...

yes, we are anti-poser in every area so fake lezzies are on the list fo' sho...sorry

Hank said...

i'm just sayin...but you'll be happy to know that another line in the theme song is 'player hatin' bitches stay the fuck out the way'

gangsta gangsta!

Hank said...
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