Sunday, December 16, 2007

I suck at killing things....

We’ve had an unwanted guest for about 3 weeks now in our kitchen – we named him Fievel (like the little guy in American Tale). He’s been chilling in our kitchen and scavenging for crumbs night after night – he was real small and I thought it was kind of cute until the bastard started pooping all over the countertops and stove during his nightly crumb hunts. All I could think about were the germs and disease that vermin feces are supposed to carry. I was pissed. Who did this mouse think he was messing with? “He’s nibbled his last crumb!” I said as I strategically placed glue traps all around the kitchen and neatly placed little pieces of pizza (apparently his favorite food) in the middle of each trap.

Two hours later, we arrive home from a shopping trip and I go to the kitchen to get something to drink. I open the fridge and hear this squeaking noise coming from near the trash can. My heart drops. I look down at one of the traps, and there’s Fievel with all four paws firmly cemented in the glue. He’s struggling and squeaking and I realize that he’s only the size of my thumb….tears immediately begin to well in my eyes as I realize that I have intentionally caused the pain and suffering of this little creature. I run to my boyfriend and start motioning frantically for him to come in the kitchen and see and help me, because now I’ve decided I must find a way to get him out. I look on the internet and find an article that says that if you pour olive oil on the glue, it will dissolve and the mouse can get free (this is right after it says that these traps are considered the cruelest of all because mice have been known to gnaw off their paws to get free, resulting in a horribly slow and agonizing death). I scoop Fievel up on a cardboard platform and head downstairs with the olive oil and pour it in the trap, taking special care not to cover him in the oil. He’s struggling viciously at this point and I wonder if he will break one his legs off while trying to free himself. Tears are streaming down my face – the neighbors walk outside and I block their view and look away, trying to act like there is a perfectly good reason for me to be squatting on the sidewalk in the snow….but I look down and realize that Fievel’s front two paws have come free and my hope is renewed. I help him free his tail and soon, he’s got all but one leg free from the trap. I am slowly re-gaining confidence about is future….Finally, his last leg comes free and I think he is too shocked to realize that he’s no longer stuck, as he sits there heaving huge breaths and gaining composure. Then he scurries off into the night, and I am left with mixed emotions as I think about how he may still not make it in the cold, cold weather….I am the worst person ever…..

Come to find out, there are more humane and natural ways to rid your house of these cute, but annoying critters. Get a cat. But some humane traps at Lowes’ (these traps allow you to catch and release the critter in the wild elsewhere)….or the most interesting remedy involved getting a skin from a snake who has shed it and placing it in the mouse’ favorite spot. This will give the little bugger the scare of his life.

I will never kill again…


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