Sunday, September 16, 2007

Dear Lady Chavez,

Dear Lady Chavez,

My boyfriend says if I don't get a boob job, he'll break up with me. What should I do?

Misquito Bites

Dear Misquito,

I will try to give you my best advice even though I have naturally huge, perfect DD's. Oh, sorry I did not mean to make you feel bad, I just throw that out there sometimes. Now, If this were some alternate universe where I was flat chested and cared what my boyfriend thought, I would first ask, "Ok, boyfriend, are you paying?". The next question I would ask is, "Do you really want me to look like a D-listed porn star who's boobs run away for my arm pits every time I lay on my back? And if that's the case, you'll need to get a pot belly and a mullet because that's what all the dudes look like in pornos." It is so true right? I digress. Anyway, Lady Chavez is way against being fake about anything so I would have to advise you against this. Chances are, he will want you to have something else done and then another thing. Soon, you are lookin' like that dude in Hannibal who got all his face skin eaten off but with huge, saggy hooters. True story.

Lady Chavez

To send your question into Lady Chavez, please email her at

No comments: