Sunday, September 16, 2007


The VMA Awards

My conspiracy theory on the Britney Spears performance at the VMA’s goes something like this: ya know how everyone loves to watch American Idol during the first few weeks to see all the crazy screw ups, bad hair dos and crushed dreams? Well, what better way to boost your ratings than to put bad extension having, fingernail missing, gut-busting and belly baring Britney on stage at the biggest awards show of the year? Let’s take a second to evaluate, friends. At any given moment, the bitch is surrounded by a legion of hair dressers, wardrobe assistants, dance coaches, and stage production staff. And you’re telling me that not a single one of them noticed that her extensions were half done, she was missing a fake nail and that she looked like she had just eaten a very large steak dinner with a side of mashed potatoes and LOTS OF GRAVY?? Really. Who expects us to believe that? No, instead I think it went something like, “This is going to be the greatest screw up of her career and we want to make sure everyone in America is front and center, watching.” I mean, she fired her stylist two days prior and was seen partying very hard the two nights leading up to the show. MTV Execs must have been creaming their britches at the thought of her impending disaster, on stage and LIVE for all to see. “MTV News: You hear it first…..”

And speaking of gut-busters: how bout our two favorite white trash superheros, Tommy Lee and Kid “Pebble?” In an apparent act of jealousy re: Pam Anderson, Kid Rock sucker punches Tommy Lee in the face while Alicia Keys is performing on stage at the very same VMA show. Did I miss something? Kid Rock and Pam divorced almost a year ago because he blew up at a “Borat” viewing party, telling Pammy she was a whore and a slut for doing the movie. Not sure where that gives him the right to get in Tommy’s face….then again, Tommy did give her Hep C…..

Anyhow, that’s not as interesting as the Chris Crocker video on YouTube, where he is crying while defending the pop princess’ efforts on stage at the VMAs. This truly made me laugh. If you haven’t seen the video….

Ha. What’s more tragic? The crocodile tears or the really bad dye job? I’m not sure about you, but there has be an extremely compelling argument for why she was allowed to disgrace America’s TV sets with such a travesty (see above for theory). Screaming and (fake) crying do not count as appropriate defense. Leave the social commentary to the better-equipped, Chris (i.e. Perez Hilton). And if you ever threaten him again, I will personally shave your head while you sleep.



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