Golden Showers has been submitted to us by our dear friend, Hillbilly Harlot, who will be guest blogging once a week to give you the lowdown on everything from Philly to phasion to phlatulence.
Golden Showers
I am not from the East Coast so maybe some people that are can fill me in on something. Where do you pee in the inner city?
Growing up Southwestern, everyone has a toilet for you to use. There are no secret words or passes you need. There's always a Wal-Mart or 7-11 around the corner for you to relieve yourself and nobody looks at you suspiciously when you ask to use the w.c.
In Philly, it's every woman for herself. I've purchased a coffee from Starfucks just to get the code to the bathroom. I've piggybacked on women who have the code to the toilet at Taco Bell. Ducked into bars hoping to go unnoticed as I make a beeline to the back. Why does it take such a monumental effort to find a basic human need? One trip to the public toilet in a center city 'mall' explained it all. The smell of burning plastic mixed with 3 day old piss will fill your lungs when you enter the restroom. Make your way into a stall only to see that 'Oops! Somebody missed!" all over the floor beneath your new Steve Madden, round toe, kitten heel pumps from Ross ($15.99, thank you very much).Try to ignore the moans of homeless love being made in the handicapable stall.Try not to cry while you wipe whatever that shit is off your new non-designer bargain bin shoes. Yes, I understand the restroom is a great place to cook up and take a duke on the floor, but if the crackheads are using the public restrooms...what's the non crack head to do?
When I feel that little tingle, fear immediately runs through my bloodstream and anxiety fills my head with thoughts of "where to go?" Not too long ago, this happened while I waited on the bus to take me home at 2:30 am, I patiently waited and cried when the bus hits huge potholes. Finally at my stop, I could barely walk. If finding a public restroom at 1:00 pm is tough, try 3:00 am. Impossible. So, like the lady I am, I popped squat behind the bus stop. Not my finest moment considering my lack of penis gives me no control to where my recycled beer dribbles. But I am sure I'm not the first person to piss there and certainly won't be the last.
Any suggestions on this predicament? Adult diapers? Anyone?
Golden Showers
I am not from the East Coast so maybe some people that are can fill me in on something. Where do you pee in the inner city?
Growing up Southwestern, everyone has a toilet for you to use. There are no secret words or passes you need. There's always a Wal-Mart or 7-11 around the corner for you to relieve yourself and nobody looks at you suspiciously when you ask to use the w.c.
In Philly, it's every woman for herself. I've purchased a coffee from Starfucks just to get the code to the bathroom. I've piggybacked on women who have the code to the toilet at Taco Bell. Ducked into bars hoping to go unnoticed as I make a beeline to the back. Why does it take such a monumental effort to find a basic human need? One trip to the public toilet in a center city 'mall' explained it all. The smell of burning plastic mixed with 3 day old piss will fill your lungs when you enter the restroom. Make your way into a stall only to see that 'Oops! Somebody missed!" all over the floor beneath your new Steve Madden, round toe, kitten heel pumps from Ross ($15.99, thank you very much).Try to ignore the moans of homeless love being made in the handicapable stall.Try not to cry while you wipe whatever that shit is off your new non-designer bargain bin shoes. Yes, I understand the restroom is a great place to cook up and take a duke on the floor, but if the crackheads are using the public restrooms...what's the non crack head to do?
When I feel that little tingle, fear immediately runs through my bloodstream and anxiety fills my head with thoughts of "where to go?" Not too long ago, this happened while I waited on the bus to take me home at 2:30 am, I patiently waited and cried when the bus hits huge potholes. Finally at my stop, I could barely walk. If finding a public restroom at 1:00 pm is tough, try 3:00 am. Impossible. So, like the lady I am, I popped squat behind the bus stop. Not my finest moment considering my lack of penis gives me no control to where my recycled beer dribbles. But I am sure I'm not the first person to piss there and certainly won't be the last.
Any suggestions on this predicament? Adult diapers? Anyone?
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