Betty Davis: Self-Proclaimed Nasty Gal

I picked up a copy of Oxford American's music issue on the back of a friend's toilet and was immediately taken by the black and white cover featuring Thelonius Monk in what looks like a barn turned stake-out. Someone in the background points an automatic weapon at the front door while hand grenades and more guns lay on the table beside Monk as he looks like he's stayed up all night drinking the dark liquid next to him and blessing the dusty keys of a debris-covered piano. I decide its worth a read and the pages immediately open to a beautiful womanwho's wild eyes make me postpone Thelonious and his article. In between spots on Karen Dalton, Eldridge Holmes and even David Banner, Betty Davis demands attention with her massive afro, sexy red lips and wildly confident stare. I haven't even heard her music yet but I want to crawl into her kimono and soak up some cool.

I throw in the cd that comes with the publication and my mind is immediately flooded with, "This is way before its time" and "Why haven't I heard this yet?". I thought Betty Davis was some red headed, white chick in the movies my grandmother used to make me watch. I didn't know about this Betty Davis, the second wife and muse of Miles Davis, good friend and collaborator to Jimi Hendrix and an incredibly innovative artist in her own right. I'm sure my mother purposely kept this from me along with all other amazing and naughty things that emerged in the early 70's that she was undoubtedly into. The song, titled "Anti Love Song" is very primal and Betty is singing but its very cat-like and guttural. I can picture her writhing in the agony of lust vs. love vs. insanity and consumed with her own woman power.

No I don't want to love you / 'Cause I know how you are / Sure you say you're right on and you're righteous / But with me I know you'd be right off / Cause you know I could posess your body / You know I could make you crawl / And just as hard as I'd fall for you, boy / You know
you'd fall for me harder / That's why I don't want to love you.

This individual is obviously against her best interest and the chemistry between them is intense and unavoidable but there is too much water under the bridge for Betty, it appears. It isn't a new concept and I wouldn't say the lyrics are even profound (definitely for the time they were) but it is the way she is unapologetic about being a sexual, instinctual creature that makes her music immediately authentic. I would liken her to Nina Simone in this way. Betty's music
came out in the 70's with only a cult success and was re-released in May 2007 to now be critically acclaimed. Check out her Myspace music page to hear more songs from the self-entitled album.

Craft of the Week: Just Call Me Jugs

So, most people who know me, know that Carlo Rossi and I have a thing going on. Although he has quite a girthy midsection with only an awkward, puny handle in which to manipulate his 13% goodness, he's a cheap date and he makes my life worth living. So when I saw Carlo popping up in my craft and hip hop magazines, I was appalled to see him pimping himself out like that with little regard for my feelings. Now, everyone thinks its cool to be Klassy like me and my Rossi-in-crime, Hillbilly Harlot. Since I love my readers, I will condone this orgy of Paisano and hook you up with some practical uses for my jugs.


* Lightweight Lamp (1.5 jugs)

*Lady Chavez Worthy Couch and Chandelier (33 jugs each)

Check out the tutorials on these beautiful jug creations

And if you think you are more Carlo Rossi hardcore than me, check out this pic of Ma Dukes on the Rossi while she was pregnant with me. I got started earlier, trust.

Love,

Lady Chavez

Uncle Imani Goes Solo

If you don't know who the Pharcyde is, then you're either young as hell and wack or really old and think it's a comic strip. If you're the other 60% of the population, you know how influential The Pharcyde has been to hip hop and it's been a minute since they've blessed us with an album. But not only is The Pharcyde coming out with a new album but Uncle Imani has his solo venture coming out first. Straight and to the point, Imani tells us what the big difference is.

L and F: You've got a solo album coming out momentarily. What can we expect?

Imani: From my solo album, one can expect to hear Uncle Imani's side of the future of the Pharcyde...hard drums, heavy bass, tight grooves, and a peek into my incyde soul...

L and F: How's it different being on the solo side?

Imani: The difference from solo/group is that its all me, u gotta dog a little deeper. There's not much extra energy to bounce off of...so one must really focus- be confident- and have a plan and execute.

L and F: What does The Pharcyde have lined up for their fans in the near and distant future?

Imani: Well, in the not so distant future, my album "B L Q S T R D S T" will be released. I'll support/tour the record while finishing recording "Eclectic Compassion" w/ Brown..the next Pharcyde Album

L and F: What do you think of the state of hip hop today? Which artists do you have in your ipod?

Imani: I don't think of the state of hip hop much cuz there's so many other things that take up my concerns...I have 2 Ipods and a hard drive with anything that sounds good ( AZ to X-Clan)

The Question We Always Ask:

L and F: When you get super big, will you become a media whore, driving around all drunk and showing your privates like some celebrities we know?

Imani: Been there, done that! U don't have to be super big to do dumb shit. When you're big, all your moves are scrutinized.

The Album Drops Jan. 1, 2008 so support Imani and cop it.


Also, Check out Uncle Imani on Myspace

Adventures in Vegetarianism

This Thanksgiving, damn The Man for real and pass on the turkey. That foul never did anything to you or your mother so stop it already and read these quotes from vegetarian emcees.

I don't eat no meat, no dairy, no sweets

Only ripe vegetables, fresh fruit and whole wheat...

Life brings life, it's valuable, so I eat what comes

From the ground, it's natural

Let your food be your medicine

(From Dead Prez's "Be Healthy")

In the slaughterhouse full of germs and flies

Off with the head, they pack it, drain it, and cart it

And there it is, in your local supermarketRed and bloody, a corpse, neatly packed

And you wonder about heart attacks?

(From KRS-One's "Beef")

Over a billion served

What they never deserved

So as they drove away they swerved into the curb

With their heads on the steering wheel

Kids blacked out in the back with a fucking Happy Meal

What a crappy deal...The parking lot is now a burial plot

Where you can park and rot if you can find a spot

(From Mr. Lif's "The Fries")

Even if the meat wasn't genetically processed

It's all a bloody mess...I'm a human being

Who doesn't kill to get his protein

(From LMNO's "No Eyes, No Mouth")

Check out Peta's Veg Cooking blog for alternative Thanksgiving recipes

"Where's My Mookie?" for Ohword.com

When its cold outside, there is nothing better than watching a hot, summer foreplay scene like ice on Rosie Perez’ tatas in a small NYC apartment in “Do the Right Thing”.
Who knew frozen rectangles would get you out of trouble with a baby mama who hasn’t seen you or your money in a week? I watch that scene and I’d forgive him too. Even though he delivers pizzas for a living and looks more than just a little Fetal Alcohol Syndromey, I would forgive him as soon as he broke out those ice trays. Sure, he really wanted a quickie but he settled because he knows his role and had some makin’ up to do. And, in a world where the size of your boom box on shoulder is directly proportional to your shaft on balls, Mookie and his little hands were just making due. (Read More...)

Dear Lady Chavez

Dear Lovely Chavez,

Now I've had conversations before with friends about how long a guy should wait to call up a honey after getting her digits. I've always been like, fuck that noise. I mean if we hit it off from the start and she's fit and I'm trying to get with her, it's like boom, I might call her the next day just to say hi. But if I'm not feeling her that much, I might wait til the next time I'm waiting for my creepy crawlers to set to call her up. But this is the flipside of that coin. How much time has to go by before it's too late to call her? Weeks??...Months??...Years? This is my situation.

I came back to the Twin Towns to visit my fam for the holidays and out of boredom I was
going thru boxes of my old crap in the basement. I came across my old school yearbooks. And from the ages of like 12-16 there was a girl who always signed my yearbook and left her digits. She always left comments about me being cute and funny and sweet and requests for me
to call her and all this. I mean we were friends and shit, but I think she wanted something more. I stalked her on myspace and found out she still stays just outside Minneapolis and she's single. I'm now 24 and have never really talked to her, that I can remember, since I up and bounced at the age of 17 to go out on my own to see the world. But now I'm home for like a month and I just wanna say hi... and maybe fuck. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere between a b rated chick flick and an episode of Dateline's To Catch a Predator. Please help.

Love Always,

San Dimas High School Football Rules!!!

Dear San,

First of all...what a dumbass! Sorry, but dudes are either like you and totally oblivious even if you're GIVING them a motorboat in gym class by shoving your chest into their face or you totally don't want to hook up with the guy (hence, the kick to the balls in Chemistry) and they won't leave you alone. There seems to be no in between. In my secret business where I play on the internet all day pretending to do my job, statutes of limitations are very important or else you are SOL (no acronym pun intended). With calling this girl, it would be weird to get a call past 5 years which is a good solid SOL for any situation and you're talking 10 years right here. She may be single but she still may have the old ball and chain (AKA a kid- just kidding Mini Chavez).

Anyway, so this could go one of 2 ways. You could either call her and she's all like, "Hell yeah, you know I had the biggest crush on you. I thought you'd never take the hint. Now, we can go on one date and I can show you what you've missed out on all this time" or she could be like, "Why the fuck is you callin' me? Are you that desparate that you're scouring your yearbook to pick up chicks just to say 'Hi, remember me? Lets fuck!'" Ouch! Well for your sake, I hope its the former.

Fluffgirl will tell you that I am sometimes THE WORST advice giver, because normally my response is, "Fuck it, why not?" regardless of the possible consequences and or/diseases. I would also say go for it in this situation and if she blows you off on the phone just tell her its opposite day and you would never hook up with her because she whores herself out in the yearbook like she's running for Most Likely To Get Suck Seeds and get supersoaked (sorry, that sounds grody).

Love,

LC

We're Not Cheating on You, Promise

We just joined the Electric Haze Records crew in updating their site and bringing our special brand of dysfunction to their readers and potential customers. No, they're not crazy or returning any sexual favor of any sort, they just know that LC and F get shit done, so....as your favorite thrifty shoppers, we do have to shout out their 50% off sale. Seriously, they have lots of hot indie hip hop cd's for sale for like $5. CD's are not obsolete especially when your crackhead neighbor steals your Ipod and your PC. What you gonna do then if you gave up on CD's?!

Check the merch here
Check out the main page where we will be runnin' thangs

-LC and F