Friday, February 1, 2008

Adventures in Vegetarianism: Letter Writing

We love our readers because we're pretty sure you care about something. Even if you write me off as a tree hugging hippy and don't care about animal rights, there must be something else that really pisses you off. So, today (or this weekend if you're busy with work aka internet porn) we're going to be activists about something and write a letter to the editor. Below I give some good tips on how to make a bangingly effective letter for action and at the bottom you will see the letter I wrote to Editor in Chief of Missbehave Magazine this morning about a recent article.

Tips on Good Letter Writing

1) Highlight the negative and the positive (don't come off as a hater)
2) Keep it succinct and to the point
3) Don't forget to include your contact info
4) Act like you're an expert on the subject area (but don't get all egotastical)
5) Throw in some "little known" or useful facts
6) Make sure you state your connection with the magazine, newspaper, tv station, etc...more than likely you are a consumer (even if you aren't, just lie)

Dear Mary Choi,

First we want to say, as Missbehave subscribers, we love, love, love the magazine. You guys are basically like us except you have way cooler jobs, get way more free stuff and have larger vocabularies. Still, we were shocked and disheartened to see in the last issue that "being vegan" is a way to ensure a dude will not get ass. Furthermore, there wasn't any explanation as to why vegans made the list. We feel like any dude who stands for anything other that his Xbox 360 and his cock, would be sexy. The dairy industry is inhumane and foul so knocking activists for animals seems irresponsible. We know that vegetarians and vegans catch shit all the time, we just thought Missbehave was a little more "damn the man" and punk than that. We also know that your magazine is not a super serious publication but we just think that you should give vegan guys a chance. They are compassionate in the sack too, trust us.

We've included some little known facts about the dairy industry to read at your leisure:

-Dairy cows are artificially inseminated to be pregnant year-round and once they give birth, their babies are ripped away for veal

-Mother cows are then hooked up to machines and milked in their tiny stall where they barely have room to even sit down

-Despite all the hormones pumped into the cows to produce 10 times the amount of milk they normally would, they are sent off to slaughterhouses once they are not fit the produce milk


Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl


Tricknology said...

what's wrong w/ xbox 360?

Hillbilly said...

I saw that too but I kinda laughed.
I mean, it was a lil funny. But I kinda unfair too.