Monday, January 7, 2008

"Come back Billy. I wanna Screw!"

Oh Woody, I have been crushin' on you since "White Men Can't Jump" premiered your gap toothed, baggy tank top wearin' self. You had just enough bad boy in you to be what I was longing for as a teen. You were a good guy and being addicted to gambling and blowing all your girl's money just proved more that you were one passionate dude. I was too young to know about your Cheers douchebaggery years, so to me this was your first moment to shine. When you came back onto my radar, I was going through a hippie phase a few years later and there you were growing hemp and getting arrested for protests. Are we soulmates or what? Since then, your large awkward nose has enticed me and made me wanna get naked and play the bongos (because Matthew McConaughey is just a poser version of you). I want to run through the hemp fields hand in hand with you and rub your fuzzy head of middle-aged ripe peachyness. You kinda have meth-face now but I think that is just a coincidence and even if you did, it would not deter me. I will have you, Woody.

Lady Chavez

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