I hate Craig’s List. It has a smarmy way of making you think you can do anything you set your mind to – ya know, just like your 3rd grade teacher used to tell you. And you believed her. Just like you believe that Craig’s List will magically make your problems disappear. Need a date? Post on Craigs List. Looking for an acting gig? Search on Craig’s List. Selling your car? Craig’s List. Want to farm sweet corn in Iowa? Post your resume on Craig’s List. I did, and that’s what I got. Ok, so maybe using the word “adventurous” in the title of your want-ad opens up the floor for weirdos to attack. But really, people- I described no such inclination for the desire to work on a farm in Iowa and tend to this man’s three children while “farming sweet corn.” Yet, he thought that would be right up my alley. He was serious, too. I responded, letting him know that I couldn’t wait to quit my current job and head out to Iowa and asking him please OH PLEASE could my responsibilities include pig-sloppin’, butter churnin’, boot stompin’, and manure shovelin’. I could even wear my $300 Frye boots, since they’re really made for horse farmers. My theory is, if I’m gonna shovel shit, I should at least look extremely hot while doing so.
Even better was the email I got from some dude asking me to marry his cousin so that he could obtain US Citizenship. What the fuck do I look like- a mail order bride? Maybe this guy thought that since I liked to cook and knit scarfs that I would be game for his little house-wife show (I admit, I did put that in the ad). He even said I wouldn’t have to act like a traditional wife to this guy- we could just be roommates. Oooo, really?!?! WHERE DO I SIGN UP? I could only imagine the excitement that awaited me – would my future husband be from a middle eastern country and wear a turban and have back hair? Would I get to wait hand and foot on this dude while he beat me and made me his slave? Maybe he would even agree to throw in a little genital mutilation to sweeten the deal! Gee. Whiz. I was dizzy with anticipation. I mean, can you believe this guy actually thought I would be interested? He didn’t even offer me any money…..cuz then it would have been something worth considering.
But seriously, I had so many hopes for Craig’s List. Its like supposed to be THE networking site for underdogs. Like me. And yes, you could argue that these two guys were doing just that – networking. But I think its pretty safe to assume that I reserve the right to make the ultimate decision about my house-wife status.
I guess it would be unfair for me to leave out the part where I tell you that I actually did get a reasonable job offer from a respectable company that found me on Craig’s List. And I accepted. Much to the dismay of the corn farmer- I have to admit I was starting to like the idea of wearing bib-alls and boots to work everyday (but don’t tell him that).