And the Winner is.....

After much deliberation, Fluffgirl and I have chosen a winner for our t-shirt art contest. It's us! Since we throw this blog thing on for you everyday and did not even get one sorry entry, we went ahead and decided to do our own design depicting what the hell happened and why y'all couldn't even take a pic of the last load you dropped in the toilet and email it to us...drum roll please......

As you can see, we have accurately recreated the scene where Fluff and LC are drinking wine and high-fiving thinking our readers are hard at work on an image for our merchandise but it turns out our readers were just smoking mad doobs and watching homothugs on LOGO. You will be the envy of all your friends sporting this tee.

Just kidding, we love you. Don't leave us! We'll be getting the work done at Elm and Oak ASAP.

On a cooler note, check out the tofu family "Oriental Spy" made for me for X-mas! There's Baby Dad, me and Mini Chavez. Why my head gotta be so big and why is mine grittin' on everybody? Ok, don't answer that. If you would like your own tofu family, shoot us an email and we'll see what we can do.

Love, Lady Chavez

Trend and Anti-trend: Tops and Bottoms

Trend: Mickey's Learning Caps

For so long, Mickey's has been educating drunks all over the world one cap at a time. It's Leap Frog for lushes. There is nothing better than sitting on a stoop, drankin' malt liquor and passing around a newly untwisted cap to decode. And you can't just be blurtin' out the answer either. Everyone has to see the cap and then you can reveal your answer...kinda like Jeopardy minus the condescending Canadian.

Can you solve the one above?

Anti-trend: Camel Toe

I am distressed that I even have to go here, but females have been sporting their sheethed crevice on the outside like it's an accessory lately. The pants are too mother fucking tight if your pink taco is looking like a denim gordita in yo' jeans! You need to either get some bigger pants or start skipping the fourth meal you've obviously taken a liking too. This means you Coco!

Adventures in Vegetarianism: Prom King in Jail for Reunion

I woke up on Jan. 1 and realized if you subtract 1998 from 2008, you get 10, meaning Fluff and I must have a fucking high school reunion coming up...sad and scary. We graduated with Micheal Vick so my next thought was, "Okay, Mike will be in jail so at least there won't be a big fuss over that." My third thought was, "Why do I care? Will we even go?" That still remains to be seen, however, I figure since the hype has settled, I can finally share my thought on the Vick debacle. Ever since that whole thing went down, eveyone has been drilling me for my opinion on the matter since I am an animal activist and I knew Vick and I haven't spoken up. So here ya go:

I think that obviously what Vick participated in was abusive, unacceptable and disgusting. However....(caution: this is where people start catching feelings)...I think it is just as bad as the meat industry where animals are enslaved and butchered for human consumption. It is along the same lines as the dairy industry which pumps hormones into cows, keeps them impregnated artifically, hooks them up to horrible machines and rips their babies away. Its like the veal calves who are then roped by all fours to posts and can't move until they're killed for they're atrophied meat. Let's not even talk about cruel and pointless animal experimentation (500 animals die a day at HLS). All of these atrocities are cruel to animals and are funded by the government so apparently its okay.

So, you might say these practices at least have a point (eating, curing cancer, etc). I'll go with it even though its still not necessary. What about the rodeo, the circus or bullfighting? These are legal and strictly for entertainment purposes. I think Vick belongs in jail but so do millions of other people who are involved in the industries I've mentioned.

Enough of that...should we go to our reunion? That is the real question!

"Come back Billy. I wanna Screw!"

Oh Woody, I have been crushin' on you since "White Men Can't Jump" premiered your gap toothed, baggy tank top wearin' self. You had just enough bad boy in you to be what I was longing for as a teen. You were a good guy and being addicted to gambling and blowing all your girl's money just proved more that you were one passionate dude. I was too young to know about your Cheers douchebaggery years, so to me this was your first moment to shine. When you came back onto my radar, I was going through a hippie phase a few years later and there you were growing hemp and getting arrested for protests. Are we soulmates or what? Since then, your large awkward nose has enticed me and made me wanna get naked and play the bongos (because Matthew McConaughey is just a poser version of you). I want to run through the hemp fields hand in hand with you and rub your fuzzy head of middle-aged ripe peachyness. You kinda have meth-face now but I think that is just a coincidence and even if you did, it would not deter me. I will have you, Woody.

Love,

Lady Chavez

The Kid is Alright

Ok, actually she's way more than alright. She's the incredibly talented composer, record producer and singer-songwriter that is catching major attention in her local VA community and abroad, having recently been featured on Okayplayer. Some of her songs are very Bjork-esque but then others are all her own and leave you combing your mental musical archives for another artist to pin her sound to. You know we try and put y'all onto the new new shit so consider yourself officially briefed on the newer than new, Kid A.

L and F: What do you think of all this media you've gotten recently?

Kid: The media has been a major blessing. It’s most appreciated. I absolutely love it!: Like this interview for you ladies and the winter write up in Portfolio Weekly. It’s really wonderful exposure. Thank you for the discovery and interest.

L and F: We know you are multi-talented...do you do this all yourself or do you collab a lot? What's your dream collaboration?

Kid: Everything on my page at the moment has been done by me, but now I’m more interested in collaborations. The production style could definitely use some improvement. I think college has robbed me of some of my creativity as well. Being away at school drains a lot of you, so it’s nice to be able to mesh minds with some local and overseas producers.

My dream collaboration would most definitely be with Klaxons. I used to be in a band before all this electronic production stuff and I really miss the energy that comes from live instruments whether you’re practicing on stage or off stage . Their drummer, Steffan Halperin, is mind-blowing and all the songs were well written, programmed, and covered. Myths of the Near Future is one of my top albums.

L and F: If your music was the soundtrack for a movie, what would the plot be?

Kid: If I did a musical soundtrack for a film the plot would be about troubled people trying to be less socially awkward in their surroundings. One sided love affairs. Things like that.

L and F: Does your name have anything to do with the Radiohead album, Kid A? And, when you get older, will you still be Kid or go back to your government name?

Kid: KID A is an homage to the Radiohead album, but it also means KID A[nni] to since Ann is my name. When I get older I’ll probably continue to use KID A though. No one ever pronounces my last name right, so it’s no use.


L and F: What are your short term and long term goals in the music industry?

Kid: At this moment for short term I’d like to be able to record a new song or two while I‘m at home for break from university. But, as for long term if I’m ever discovered I just want to have longevity, creativity freedom, and leave an great legacy behind like many of the bands and artists I admire.

The question we always ask...

L and F: When you blow up super big, will you become a media whore, driving around drunk and showing your privates like some celebrities we know?

Kid: Hahaha. No I definitely won’t be doing that. I couldn’t imagine. Ever since the first day of school my grandma gave me a speech about how I represent the family when I leave the house and with whatever I do. I only want to bring honor and respect to my family. I’d never want to embarrass them. Respect for yourself is important just as much as it is for them.

Check out Kid A on her MYSPACE
....and buy the Night Visions EP while you're there

Viva La Coka Nostra?

We need your help on something...WTF is La Coka Nostra? At first glance, they are hardcore mostly West Coast rappers. At second glance, they are still hardcore but they are pretty much all white and wear the La Coka Nostra t-shirts (complete with skull and gun crossbones). I wrote a couple of the emcees for an interview and got no response. You've got the House of Pain alumni at the forefront and some other white rappers, all rhyming about a thugged out, gun clappin' good time. Wikipedia says:

The group's name is derived from the notorious criminal organization (La) Cosa Nostra, which means "This Thing Of Ours", with the Italian word Cosa ( "thing" meaning "business") being replaced by the Spanish word Coka which stands for Cocaine. Slaine has noted the idea for the name was to incorporate some slang with the gangster theme, so the name would mean "This Dope Thing Of Ours", with "dope" being slang for something cool, and not actual drugs[1]

Not actual drugs? Then what is all the fuss about? Why do they rhyme about shooting everyone? I know in "Jump Around" they were coming "to battle with a shotgun" and all but those were different times and gangster rap was hip then so the white boys had something to prove. I don't find it all that necessary or practical anymore. What do y'all think?

PS. The group's debut album "A Brand You Can Trust" (with DVD) is now set to be released in early 2008

Sunday is Made

I'm a blogging machine and it doesn't stop my friends so holler if you hear me. I checked out Perez on this cold and rainy Sunday and found Adele. I need to preface this by saying that I used to be Perez Hilton's biggest fan and then I think he started outsourcing his writing to India and shit and it ain't the same. That's why I read Dlisted and it makes me sooooo happy and I feel like I have a homo bestie again.

So, Adele is a mix of Cat Power, Amy Winehouse and Karen Dalton. She pretty much just made my Sunday even better than just drinking Carlo and laying around with my pooch, Hot Shot (which is a tough act to follow). Look at her picture...she has a fucking hairbrush stuck in her mullet, ok?...nuf said