Sunday, September 30, 2007

Gossip Detox by Hillbilly Harlot


It's time for rehab.


Gossip rehab that is. and no, I aint talking about the
band either. It's out of control and I blame Lady Chavez.
When I first met L.C. I didn't really keep up with
gossip/ tabloids but I noticed a Life and Style near
the pot in her hotel room. I picked it up and started
reading. Wow! These peoples lives are inneresting (not
really) but I got hooked.L.C. and I would pick up a
couple mags and spend the night reading rags on each
others beds then trade mags while drinkin that Carlos
Rossi.

L.C. planted the seed and now it's a full blown
fuckin tree. Why do I care about Kiera Knightly
(is that how you spell that skinny ho's name?)
I DON'T! But I read about her ass(or lack thereof)
3x a week. So it's started with the mags ..moved
onto TMZ..then Perez (when he was actually funny
and not just sniffin ass to make $$) My personal
fav is Dlisted, this fag is HILARIOUS! It's
gotten to the point where I have 3-4 tabs up all
filled with gossip sites and I spend about 1-2 hours
looking at it. Filling my head with the latest
nipple flash, baby bump watch (oh yes, X-tina
..even 3 pounds of makeup wont cover up that bump).

When I have fed off the life of others, I feel
exhausted! and a little dirty. You know when you
are just laying in bed and some how your train of
thought leads you to imagining sex with your cousin,
boss or other innapropriate figure? you feel gross
afterwards, right? That's how I feel after reading
this. I could be doing other things! Like Watching
TV! (J/K L.C.)In the amount of time I spend every
night after work, I could take a walk and tone my
lumps, cook a semi-gourmet meal, attempt something
artsy-fartsy since I have not a creative bone in
my body.

It's time to DETOX. Not unlike alcohol withdrawl,
something has to take the place of the gossip
while I wean it out of my system. I want to be
totally ignorant on who Lindsay is having sex on
a toilet with during rehab.. oooh, did you know that
place is run by mormons? See,I'm at it again.

I haven't decided what to replace it with but I
need to decide and fast. Before Britneys C-section
scar blinds my eyes again. oohh, do you ever click
on the link that takes you to the nudie pics? I
dont want to but I always end up with Kate Moss's
goat nipples in my face.

This has to stop and I recommend all of you (YOU
KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) Detox as well. Focus on something
else. It doesn't have to be problematic, like DARFUR
or the war. Read a book, glue rhinestones on your keds,
exfoliate your feet cause you know they nast, dance with
your cat to T-Pain, cut your bangs and then cry about
it later..just dont feed the beast!

-Hillbilly Harlot

1 comment:

Lady Chavez said...

Traitor!!!!! Fuck Rehab......no really, will you be my Sponsor?