Friday, November 30, 2007

Bah Humbug Bitch

I am not a total scrooge when it comes to Babylon's favorite festival of consumption but the one phrase that makes me want to start clawing at corneas is, "So, are you ready for the holidays?" Its kinda the same thing as saying, "Hey, how's it going?" as a formality when you don't care or even wait for the answer. Just because you are stuck in the elevator with me or I am signing for a Fed Ex package, does not mean you have to blurt out "So, are you ready for Christmas?" in the absense of meaningful conversation because it's December. As mad as it makes me, I just smile and say"No" ending it with the obligatory chuckle. The stranger will also laugh half-heartedly and we will go our separate ways to do it all over again in 5 minutes. The whole time I'm thinking of a way I could have not punked out but said something profound to break this fake ass cycle. I don't want to totally ruin someone's Christmas which is why I guess I play along. When I tell people about my annoyance with "So, are you ready for Christmas?", they act like I'm a heartless bitch and are totally offended, like I just a told a "your mom" sex joke. So not only is the phrase an intergral part of the Christmas experience but it is also fucking sacred. I can't win.

2 comments: said...

Yeah. As if we had to gear up to Christmas, like we have to go to the woods to hunt deer and gather mushrooms and berries, plus bring back a tree.
You don't have to be "ready" for shit, especially not in the middle of November, when shops start to act like the feast is nigh.
You could probably break the cycle by pointing out that your folks celebrate Kwanzaa. That should shut the people up long enough for you to escape.

The Humanity Critic said...

I feel you, I'm the total scrooge when it comes to the holiday seasons - giving that Salvation Army Santa nothing but arcade tokens, coming to the door clutching a shotgun whenever those irritating Christmas carolers come around - even dropping my pants whenever a chick that I'm dating puts some mistletoe over our heads while saying "..come on, show me that holiday spirit!!"