Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Dear Lady Chavez: The Olsen Twins
Dear Lady Chavez,
Okay i've got a conundrum. I'm trying to decide which olsen twin i want to get serious with. Mary-Kate has the better fashion sense and by far the better drugs, but she won't give me anything more than a little hovercraft action, or dryhump if you will. Meanwhile ashley loves the cock.
First of all, I am going to pretend you did not just sign that Danny Tanner because you just ruined Full House for me and I'm pretty sure that is a felony in some states. Mary-Kate or Ashley...hmmmmm....well, if this was real life I would tell you to choose Door #3 even if it was a one-legged carny with full blown Hep C. However, since you are adamant it be one or the other and this is my alter ego (not the angel on your shoulder or devil on the other side, but the one in the middle and further down towards the welcome mat) I will guide you. If you choose Mary Kate, her outfits might not be atrocious but you want her naked, so this is irrelevent. As far as drugs go, if you hang with MK, she might fix you up a nice cocktail but then you'll have the disease (not the imaginary disease that Christina Ricci had in Black Snake Moan where she had to do everyone or it hurt) but the one where your white snake won't work and will only slither around in your boxers, hence the reason she's always dry humping. Ashley, is your best bet since she's ample and willing. Plus, Paris steals all her boyfriends so its like a two-for-one...wait, or is that Mary-Kate? Damn, I'm getting those elfin hoes confused...just go with Stephanie.
If you too would like some Lady Chavez advice, please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org