.....is SHOWGIRLS. I can't freakin help it. Everytime it comes on, I HAVE to watch. I don't have a choice in the matter. Yes, it's cliche but it's my cliche.
Here are the top ten reasons that I am obsessed with this movie and always have been.1) My mother forced me to watch this with her when I was 14. Either that's really cool or really weird. I don't know the answer.
2) The fantastic over acting by Elizabeth Berkely. She took the role seriously. Violently serious. From the vomiting, the throwing french fries, the pocket knife and the dancing..oh god, the dancing. Like a spastic stripper having an epileptic seizure. I am sure her dancing has inspired many Vegas showgirls.
3) The lesbian vibe throughout the whole movie. You could cut the sexual tension between Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley like a hot knife through Earth Balance. When they bond over eating doggy chow and stroke hands, I melt.
4) Kyle Mclaughlins hair has a side part. 'nuff said.
5) When Elizabeth Berkley pronounces Versace VERSASE. This actually taught me how to pronounce the gaudy ass designer's clothes. Now only if someone could have taught me how to pronounce Yves Saint Laurent or Hermes, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself when I moved to Philly. It's not like you can buy those clothes where I am from anyways. See, this movie IS educational.
6) When I watch this movie, I always wonder if E.B. thought this would take her career to new heights. This would be her breakthrough role, forever banning Jesse Spano from people's minds. I wonder if she was like "Screw you, Tiffany Amber, I will be the only one to defy the Saved by the Bell curse!"
7) I just happened to catch the movie on TBS (whaaa?) and they use cutting edge Microsoft Paint to draw fake bras and panties on all the naughty bits. Artistic!
8) E.B's amazon ass riding Kyle Mclaughlin in the swimming pool. You know what I am talking about. Where you couldn't tell if she was having an orgasm or dying. I like to think it's a little of both.
9) E.B. dry humping Kyle Mclaughlin (is there a pattern here?) in the strip club while Gina Gershon watches. I had no idea that he came in his pants when I was younger. I didn't understand what happened and my mom wouldn't explain it to me. I thank her for this.
and finally.....
10) Possibly the worst scene in the whole movie. When her and that 'urban' guy are spazzing out (um, I mean, dancing) in his 'loft' and he sticks his hands down her camel toe inducing pants and gets menstrual blood on his fingers. I mean, was that necessary?It's like a train wreck, I am fascinated by this scene and am always disappointed when it's cut out of the cable version. Especially when he tells her that they can still hump because he 'has lots of towels'.
Please feel free to add to the list. When I come visit L.C. we are totally gonna have a Showgirls party....
by Hillbilly Harlot
This is the first installment of "Dear Lady Chavez" which is just like Dear Abby but with a lot more sass and nothin' but the nasty ass truth. Please submit all questions for Lady Chavez to ladyandfluff@gmail.com
