We've got our own hotline for our readers to call and sound off drunk, sober, on PCP about to jump off a rooftop, whatever. It's like drunk dialing except millions of people (don't pay attention to the hit counter at the bottom of the page) will listen to it the next day. You might as well go on Oprah wasted. So, here are some examples of what you may or may not want to do.....
Disclaimer: ****The last two are NSFW,C, YM, or SB (Not Suitable for work, children, your moms, or southern baptists
You can do a 3AM freestyle like our boy Donny Goines
Or brag about about "kicking bitches in their tits" like Juan Huevos at 9PM
Or fantasize about fornicating with paraplegics like DJ Brownske and his crew at 4AM
Here are the digits (program it in the phone): 757-663-7340
PS...This is voicemail only so don't call us to bail you out of the drunk tank, ok?
Sorry...we're just really excited because we have a theme song now. It is produced by Mild Davis and features emcee Juan Huevos. They basically took a 12 minute drunken bragging session from Fluff and I and miraculously chopped it into something they could actually use for a song. They truly are miracle-workers. Hope you like it! Leave your comments as always...
You might walk into a Carrboro, NC bar and find yourself buying Juan Huevos a PBR and no homo but because of him, you and your horny friends have walked into a buffet of the hottest hipster chicks in town. Not only that but Juan and Jake Dead (who make up Diamond Studs) are a refreshing break from the regurgitated "I'm so fucking indie" crap you've been force fed lately. Dude has so much going on that I'm gonna let him take it away (3rd person style) with shit you should probably know about him, no promo. We're kinda smitten, real stalk...I mean real talk.
1) Juan Huevos is a member of the elite underground gang known as b.e.a.r. -----------> with giovanni marks at the helm. they are an infection that cannot be protected against spreading. Go to briefcaserockers.com for more info.
2) Juan Huevos eats more peanut butter EVERYDAY than is probably safe for humans.
3) Dude reads Betty and Veronica comics with a vengeance.
4) If you think it's about you, girl, it probably is. Then again, think of all the other girls it could be about. see? you never really know .......
5) if Huevos is at home alone he is either:
a) in the studio b) exercising c) getting high in the studio d) getting high before he exercises
Now, for a Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl first, check out the audio interview with Juan Huevos conducted by producer and newest collaborator for our site, Mild Davis. It's a shitfaced, explosive 4-minutes of hot topics like football and incest, respectively.
update: if the audio interview isn't working right, we're working on it so come back, our bad
And...we asked some really cool and popular people for reactions to Huevos' songs on his Myspace:
Fat Not Flat
"In 2008, theres no shortage of what sweaty men and a 303 sampler can accomplish... every track on Juan Huevos' site has serious potential... the shiner is "Fat not Flat" an ode to manual appreciation of a voluptuous bottom... and I'd have to say that Huevos may shape up to be just that... sonically fat and voluptuous... I suggest you take a handful at your leisure..."
"I just picture this as a dude drunk as hell, coming home from the bars and deciding to drunk dial a girl and this is the conversation he has. Oh and he's got some 80's radio station on blast in the background while doing all this."
"Juan's 'Only Pony Unicorn' sounds like Peaches' kid brother broke into the studio after dark, armed with a six-pack and a record bag of dusty 80s vinyl - this track is a slutty stomper!"
And if you're not already convinced that Juan and his crew are that shit, then here's a Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl download exclusively for our readers. It's called Wedding Toaster, a collabo with Mild Davis, and is basically the coolest thing you ever got for free that no one else has and that you didn't have to get slut-rageous to acquire. Trust.
Also check out some of Juan Huevos' other collaborative efforts:
Lady Chavez: I'm a corporate whore by day, mother by night, emcee by lunch break and blogger by whenever the boss isn't behind me. People think I'm a hippie because I don't eat meat and I talk about "positive vibes" and shit. However I don't wear patchouli and I shower regularly. Sorry guys! I'm indescribable if you'd like to know but hopefully you can piece me together blog style...
Fluff: I like to waste time on the internet (obviously). I like kitties and doggies and horsies and babies. I could probably hold you at gunpoint and rob you. And I am definitely cooler than you.
